Hello! I've realized I'm asexual 1 1/2 years ago, while I was in a long, abusive relationship.

Left it, and then realized I was scared of being alone with a toddler. Tried looking around and realized in the process that I find dating taxing because I couldn't connect with the people who showed interest. That's when I thought that I'm most likely greyromantic, too - which explains why I rarely feel attracted to others and why I sometimes don't understand how people can move through so many partners and falling in love with them in succession.

I did find somebody, and they're a very supportive partner who, I hope, is having a healthy relationship with me. We're cohabiting, and it's not like we can get married even if we wanted to because the PH is against non-heteronormative unions.

So, this is why I'm sharing. I'm scared. I know that I'm the type that, while it's hard for me to get attracted to somebody, it's very easy for me to let go. I don't have an extensive dating history, but I know the fact that the moment I decide to let go, I do it easily without regrets. Whether it's somebody I liked one-sidedly, somebody I dated, or somebody I had an eight-year long relationship with. When it's done for me, it's done without looking back. It's like a switch goes off inside me.

But.. I've always played for keeps. Maybe, subconsciously, I knew it will be hard for me to be attracted to others. Realizing I was grey, to me, was being scared of things not lasting - because, what if I don't find somebody again? I don't think I can be with somebody I'm not emotionally invested in. So, I'm in this position where I'm scared of not being able to keep this relationship. What if something happens down the line and I go distant because of it? What if I do something wrong and I break their trust in what we have? Has anybody else felt the same way? How did you deal with the feelings of insecurity and fear?