anyone willing to listen and respond this will be a bit long.

I’ve ALWAYS had anxiety always been an over thinker. I remember nearly shitting my pants having to walk across the gym for 6th grade band awards, i used to stress everyday that meteor was going to hit the earth and end the world, i used to stress out majorly about my sexuality, i stress about small conversations, did they mean this or that. you get the point. ive always had it, and yea its messed with my mood a little and things like that but has RARELY ever debilitated me. The anxiety about the world ending and sexuality are ones that have but those were years apart.

Fast forward to this year 2024. Go to a house warming party one of my friends wanted me to go to at college. I wanted to get drunk, but since i drove there i really couldn’t drink. So i watched while everyone else got either drunk/high. I was vibing bc i had my vape (normally vaped nicotine since high school). Eventually at some point, my friend i was with went into the room of the house owner and was going to take a gummy edible. Now i was NOT a regular weed smoker, bc the few times i smoked it was off a dab pen and it made me lose my mind so i stayed away from it had no interest in it. But a few weeks before this, i had started smoking some very light weed i guess they call “reggie” with one of my friends. It calmed and relaxed me and i slept good with it. So i kinda was looking for that feeling when i decided id take the other half of the edible my friend had. Now, i didnt read the bottle, and no way in hell i should’ve been taking drugs from someone anyways, but it ended up being 350mg. 350mg for someone who doesn’t smoke. It’s safe to say i got high. Eventually my friend got paranoid so we left, i dropped her off at her place and then drove myself home. Once i was home i ate a little bit and then laid down on the couch. About 15-20 minutes into laying down i started to feel like i was going to throw up and started feeling all these weird sensations , and then my heart rate started picking up FAST and got higher and higher until i stood up started freaking out bc i thought i was having a heart attack and called 911 screaming . They told me it was a panic attack but i till went to the er. got home at like 4am , went to bed expecting it to all be over the next day. it wasn’t.

Since january 20th, i have been living complete hell and it seems to be getting worse? Or i guess i would say my focus about what im worried about shifts . After about a week of stressing out everyday i got myself into therapy and we started CBT. Just got done with my 11th session two days ago. But i struggle to be at work, im bed ridden (or i guess couch ridden bc i can’t sleep in silence so i sleep on the couch with the TV on. I have been to the ER two times since then (they know me now btw. pretty embarrassing. most recent time was 2 nights ago). basically after the panic attack i developed extrem health anxiety about my heart, and i guess researching made it 10x worse. Bc i found things that now terrify me. Been checked by primary care, cardiologist in the hospital, had a brain scan two nights ago. Doctor told me my blood pressure isn’t a concern but it is a little higher than they would like it and to check back in 3 months after monitoring it . Monitoring it for just one day is fucking me up. And then ofc i hear some scary shit about someone who had high blood pressure and now i’m afraid. my physical symptoms are crazy, rn i get i guess head tension, and some brain pulsing ? black spots in vision and all the 9 yards. What brings me a little solace is the fact that i wasn’t feeling any of this before the incident so it HAS to be the anxiety but man am i afraid to sleep, workout, walk, enjoy myself. I’m terrified man. Worrying about dropping dead isn’t my idea of fun.