Realization today (or realization that popped up yet again) is that life is pretty much meaningless with how the world/country is set up. You have to work to survive if you want to live a normal life. Fuck life outside of work, if you want a life outside or work, you're lazy, a slacker. I use to be homeless, and though it was probably more work than having a job, it was more free, and survival had meaning.

Everyone asks me what I want to do, work wise, because I just be getting jobs and quitting when I get treated poorly. They ask what I want to do, I tell them things that I only think I'd be capable of. But it all sounds boring. I'm legit not interested in any work whatsoever. As I get older, I have less hobbies. I cannot make a living off of reading books, playing video games, and playing dungeons and dragons. Or talking alot about star wars lmao. My passions don't matter when it comes to surviving in civilization, and I hate it. Makes life feel so empty and meaningless. The main thing of survival, is WANTING to survive. You need the drive to survive, and I have no drive whatsoever to survive in this world I'm now in, besides being around people who I love and care for, as little of them as there may be.