I’ve already had three customers come into my single-coverage sex shop and comment on how awful it is that corporate makes me work on Christmas Eve. I don’t like it either, but let’s be honest — I’m here because you’re here. If my superiors didn’t smell that whiff of revenue to be had by people with nothing better to do than browse dildos for hours, I’d be on the road. As it is, as frustrated as I am with them (I have two employees who don’t observe the holiday who actively wanted the hours but I’m required to be here since I’m a store manager, because ???), can’t help but hate the ignorant/disingenuous consumer who laments the retail worker’s plight as they sit here in the store creating the demand that merits my supply.

Guys, if you shop retail today, please get your stuff and leave. No one needs to be reminded that they’re working on a holiday, least of all by half the reason we’re here. Believe me, we’re all acutely aware.