I dont believe i should have been born. Im not actively suicidal or anything but my parents didn’t plan for my birth and have told me they basically just decided not to use bc and let what happens happen. They werent in good financial standings, already had two kids, and though my dad at the time had a steady job it wasn’t nt paying enough for three children.

I dont think theyre evil, just dumb and its frustrating dealing with depression and anxiety due to neglect from ignorance. My relationship with my dad isnt bad but its somewhat non existent since he was also busy with work growing up and they were so old when they had me hes old enough to be my grandfather and with my mom its not good. I dont truly hate her but i am upset and hurt by her.

I just cannot myself fathom taking on the responsibility of a child while knowing i dont have the means to do so. If we were dirt poor growing up, which we were pretty poor but not eviction poor fortunately, i dont think i would’ve minded if it was purely an accident id been conceived and they put their all into offering a clean safe environment to the best of their ability. I would still be frustrated but the fact they actively chose not to use birth control, not a mishap a choice, gets under my skin.

Its also the fact she was like 30 when she had me, she dealt with depression and stuff but at 30 youre old enough to recognize your problems and make decisions for the sake of yourself and others and objectively at that time having a baby was a bad decision.

I basically have to fight through each day only getting brief moments of actual bliss now and then and i often just think how much id rather they had’nt had me and invested more into my older siblings.

I dont want to give birth though i sometimes contemplate adoption in the future. I believe if you you dont get the choice to live you should get the choice to die but if there is some kid out there who wants to make the choice to live i want to give them a clean financially stable home and responsible adults to guide them and give them a shot at something decent.

But even with that, that would ONLY be if i had the resources to do so and was mentally capable of doing so. It wouldnt be on a whim.