I realize that this is an antidepressant subreddit, and I am talking about an ADHD medication here but I, and so many others, know what it's like to have untreated anxiety and depression because of potential ADHD. This might be a bit long, but I'm hoping to connect with the right people who understand my struggle and maybe have some solutions for me

For the last 10 years, I've tried the whole carousel of SSRI/SNRI/tricyclic medications to manage my anxiety and depression and all of them were SHIT. Sure, they helped lower my negative emotions....but they also made me not care about ANYTHING. Essentially floating through life being a good little worker bee for the benefit of the hive. But then not caring about myself, or other people, or about my job. Everything is just so "blah" and made my pre-existing anhedonia even worse. I know that sooo many people benefit from them, but this has been my experience, and judging from anecdotes and even some studies found online, I' not the only one who's felt this way while taking SSRI's.

Fast forward to this year when I saw a new psychiatrist who took a complete life history and asked me if I've ever been told I have ADHD, because he could see it clearly. So we started a stimulant, the idea of which made me nervous at first because I was worried it would spike my anxiety. (caffeine does that to me).

I've been on 60 mg Vyvanse for 3 months now, and for a long time it was working beautifully - not just to treat my hyperactivity (which it did!), but a big part of what made it so successful for me was its "antidepressant" effect.

But now, it does NOTHING for me except maybe help my concentration for a few hours and then feel foggy.

Now, when I say "antidepressant" effect, I don't mean that it made me speedy/euphoric/on top of the world. It's very important that I emphasize this.

Particularly, it calmed the savagely negative thought loops that have gone through my head my whole life, made me MUCH MORE patient around other people, and actually made me NOT want a huge asteroid to wipe out humanity every day. I felt a boost in energy which also made me motivated to ACT rather than procrastinate. Even though I've been a lifelong movie fan, I could NEVER sit still long enough without checking my watch and counting the minutes. To now suddenly be able to do something you enjoy without wanting it to be over, like NORMAL fucking people do, felt GOOD. I now understood what it meant when people talk about living in the moment and "being present".

This also extended to social interactions with people - instead of drifting off when people are talking, missing parts of conversation, and having that voice in my head telling me that the person in front of me is probably a jerk who shouldn't be trusted anyway, NOW I could finally "be present" and be the person I've always wanted to be. Which is....a nice, caring, empathetic person who wants to help other people.

These are the things I'm referring to when I say the "antidepressant" effect.

You see the testimonies from people on ADHD subreddits and beyond, talking about how starting ADHD medication was like "putting on glasses for the first time".

But then at the same time, you don't hear very many LONG TERM success stories. From various research studies, doctors, and anecdotes from people on here, it seems that the vast majority of GOOD things that I just mentioned, are actually unintended side effects of the medication...and the true aim of the medication is to make you concentrate for a few hours before you have an ugly crash.

Am I correct with these assertions? In other words, the energy boost, the happy feelings, the motivation, the empathy towards other people......these are things that aren't meant to be felt long term? If so, that's DEVASTATING for me

Vyvanse provoked positive thinking for me like: . The idea of going back to school, being interested in dating again, doing laundry and grocery shopping without it feeling insurmountable......these were all benefits I've had from Vyvanse, and now it's been stripped of me. I take the medication, feel some slight focus for a few hours and then crash badly .

I've taken 2-3 day breaks, with the hopes that it would work well again upon re-initiation , but I have never been able to get those feelings back.

I've also done the usual suggestions - taking the medicine with a protein rich meal (and also trying on an empty stomach), avoiding vitamin C/grapefruit, drinking TONS of water and sleeping at least 7 hours each night.

Am I being impractical with my expectations? Are there alternatives that I can bring up to my psychiatrist for the symptoms I'm wishing to get better relief from?

Would Wellbutrin be something to consider?

Thanks for listening!!