How the fuck do you keep the will to live under the state of the world. When any hope for change is squished by realizing you have to clock back in for work. I would just quit so I'm not letting a billion dollar company enslave me, and then pay taxes and shir knowing what the goct and Corp does with it, but then I have no means of transportation, not enough money to help my family. Can't go to a different country and leave them behind. Heavily addicted to some hard-core drugs I can't stop knowing I'm hurting them with that too. Unsure how I can stop every attempt fails and with the whole rats addicted to coke thing how am I supposed to stop until I can change the conditions w ppl? But how can I help ppl w the life mission of making shit better if I'm still on drugs? Augh. Death seems so easy. But every time I've tried it doesn't work anyway. Hanging, strangling, OD on pills, methamphetamine, fetty. Fuckkkton of fetty. Multiple times. Can't seem to die just yet. Every time I try to get a strap I change my mind before they get to me. That seems like the only option. I don't think i can get myself to do what I know needs to be done. At least maybe that way my family.will be hurt less overall because I'll be done and over with