I’ve had a heck of a start to the new year. I switched biologics in December due to some potential side effects (still not even sure the medication was the issue), and I went from doing absolutely amazing to absolutely terrible.

The switch caused a flare, so cue over a month of prednisone and all the side effects from that. Then the flare caused my facet joints to act up again, and while I was previously stable from a prior RFA and the other biologic, the new med did not seem to quell the pain. So now I’ve started the process of medial branch injections and a planned RFA. Somewhere along the way, I managed to herniate four discs in both my neck and low back (probably weightlifting combined with the flare or maybe just bad luck, I don’t even know), so now I’ve been having to do PT again.

But I have so many good things going on in my life as well, a positive career change that will allow me to educate and help others with autoimmune disease, a wonderful family with the most supportive husband I could ever ask for, an active social life. And yet…I’m finding that I’m totally blank. The things that should make me happy don’t and the things that should make me sad (like these health issues) I just feel like saying “whatever, what else is new”.

I don’t know if I’m just totally disassociating from feelings because of so many highs and lows recently or if I’ve just resigned myself to some sort of depression. I finally accepted that I may need some help with processing my feelings (like for instance the massive guilt I feel for having this disease and how at times it takes away from me being a good wife/mother) that I keep pushing down and ignoring. So I made an appointment for next week with a therapist I used to see years ago who I really trust as she was great for the issue I saw her for. Logically I know I’m doing the right thing, but the other part of me just feels like “great, another doctor/appt”.

Has anyone here felt that therapy really helped them with the mental side of having a chronic illness? I’m also open to book or podcast suggestions in the interim or as an adjunct to formal therapy.