I've been seeing someone for just under a year now. He is divorced with two children. The children are 17 and 13. I have never been married and have no children.

My boyfriend and his ex-wife still take pretty much every vacation together as a family. This includes Intl and domestic trips throughout the year. Both are still enmeshed with each others' families. He said this was because his kids want them to keep doing family vacations - just the four of them. I don't have a  'problem' with this per se, because I believe family is very important - but I guess I wanted to know how 'normal' this is - and where to draw the line. 

I tend to work a lot in a taxing job so it's not like I don't have a life, family, friends etc... thankfully my life is full enough. I have no desire to insert myself into his family life and 'stake my claim' like some crazy person, but I do want to know if this can ever go anywhere. I also feel like he's having his cake and eating it too. I don't want my boundaries trampled over in the name of 'love'. We can all be understanding, of course - but I don't want my understanding to be seen as weakness. They took a family trip this Summer/charted a boat in Greece etc... and to be honest, I still think I should have ended the relationship at that point - as he said he 'could come see me for a weekend' after he was done with family time. It was a slap in the face - and I felt like a mistress/affair partner in truth.

The ex-wife didn't want the divorce and pushed the idea of an open relationship to him as she's religious and didn't want to be divorced (again). He didn't want an open relationship. They got divorced. This was 4 years ago now.

We have reached a point where I feel like he just tells me very little about the setup/trips - more of a 'don't ask, don't tell' situation - so he will only spill if pressed. Or it seems like things tend to slip out of his mouth, which is infuriating. I'd rather he just be upfront and honest.

Before anyone pounces at me, I fully understand the need/desire to spend time with one's children. I understand that everyone has traditions that they may like to maintain etc... I also think it's great that divorced couples can get on well for the sake of their children... except these two don't even get on well - which makes the whole situation even more bizarre. He acknowledges the setup is 'unusual'. My logic is - if they want to 'play house' - and play 'happy families' - then why not stay a family? His argument was that the marriage became untenable - and he had no choice but to exit the situation - and all the family trips are for the sake of the kids and their wants. My argument is that if everything was/is in the name of the kids - then why date and drag someone else into a messy situation? 

I also fully understand that when dating someone who is divorced with children, it adds many layers of complications and brings enormous baggage to a relationship. It goes without saying that when dating someone with children - children should indeed come first! They should be a priority, so if anyone is going to paint me as a 'childfree bitch', please don't. I respect his obligations - and he's a great father, but I can't help but feel he's essentially still married - and it's almost like they got the open relationship in the end. He's free to have sex with someone else - that's the only thing that has changed.

Moreover - and a bit of a sidebar; he has issues with the fact that I have close/long-term male friendships - and that I was am close with an ex-boyfriend. He has met my ex - and now has no issue with that since it's more than obvious that my ex-boyfriend is just a friend. I also have friends in my 'geek circle' - one of whom wanted to see the Northern Lights together and go on a trip to Iceland. This didn't go down well - so I parked the idea of the trip - and it's not happening.

As this is the first person I've dated who has had children, I guess my question is twofold. I know there's no real 'normal' as no two families are the same - but how normal is this? I say that with no ill intent or meanness in my heart.

Moreover, should I just jump ship - and find someone without all the baggage? If the relationship were to end, it wouldn't be malicious or drama-filled. I'm aware that two good people can simply not be compatible. At this point, I'm in a cycle of feeling conflicted all-too-often. The imbalance may just be too great.