Hi, all! So, something happened recently which has resulted in my parents & me (with one of my brothers) being on opposite sides of an argument & I’m wondering which side is wrong.

Back in February, I bought my nephew (M15) & my oldest niece (F13) cellphones & have been paying for their plans. They got flip phones (brand new from the company I got my own cell through), & both were happy because this meant they could keep in contact with their dad & their friends from school more often. Their parents didn’t get them phones as they’re not in the financial position to, for context, & I didn’t like them not being able to reach someone if there wasn’t an adult home as they don’t have a house phone; I got permission from their parents to do this.

A few weeks after they received them, my nephew showed me a chip on the bottom of his that happened & continued his campaign for me to get him an iPhone which he’d been on since they were told I was getting them phones. The phone still worked very well & they both have talk & text, but no data. I told my nephew I’d look into getting him a “proper phone” next year if he took care of the one I had already bought him. He ended up being irresponsible with his phone & went on sites using his home wifi that neither his parents or me or the rest of the family agreed with as they were misogynistic & sexist to say the least. This resulted in his phone being taken away by me for the weekend as punishment. I spoke to him over the phone about why this was happening (as my younger brother- his dad - was the one who was going to bring it to me) & that I expected better from him, or else he absolutely would not be getting a new phone. He got it back that Sunday night.

Fast forward to a few days ago, & we were told his phone physically broke. My mom pushed for me to get him “a proper phone because he’s in high school, now”. I reluctantly agreed & did some research, settling on a ZTE ($150 if bought outright). I went to the mall tonight to figure out how much everything would cost me & find a case for the phone that was drop proof. I was set on getting him an Android phone because he’d been pestering me for an iPhone & also due to the fact the way his phone broke could’ve only been done deliberately (he broke the hinge part, from what his dad told me). I was offered a different deal on a TCL with case that was drop proof & screen protector (about $200 for it all). I don’t have the money on me but decide to return tomorrow.

I got home & my mom wanted to see reviews on the TCL because I was leaning more towards that due to the price & how it was more advanced than the ZTE. She didn’t like what the reviews were saying about the minor issues with the phone, & decided that my nephew would be getting one of our iPhone 13’s as two of them are paid off & due to be upgraded. Both myself & my immediate older brother are against it because it feels like we’re rewarding him for deliberately breaking the phone I had bought him. We argued for a bit but both my parents are adamant that he should get an iPhone. I feel if he gets what he wants, it will send the message that breaking things to get your way is okay. Part of my argument is that my oldest niece is someone who has the habit of breaking her electronics (as an example, we bought her a 2DS for Christmas a few years ago & she broke it within a few months & admitted to it), but her phone is still in fantastic condition & she’s taken care of it; if one of them should be rewarded, it should be her to prompt continued good behaviour. I want to give her one of our iPhone 14’s when they’re ready to be upgraded in the New Year. My parents now want to give my nephew the choice of getting one of the 13’s now or one of the 14’s in the New Year, which I am vehemently against as if he gets an iPhone I feel it should be an older one, not a newer model otherwise it will only further encourage his behaviour. I feel like - as the person who paid for the phone he broke & who’s paying for the phone bill - I should be able to make the decision on this, or at least be better listened to. But I also don’t feel like it’s worth it to be in a constant war about it, especially since his dad doesn’t care what he gets & feels he should be grateful for getting any type of phone as there’s kids his age that don’t have one.

So, Reddit, am I wrong about feeling like giving an iPhone- especially a newer one - to my nephew is rewarding his behaviour? I get things are tough in high school, but does it really excuse him breaking the phone I bought him after he had it less than seven months?