My friend is a single mom of two kids and I work and live about 5 miles from her house. I often go over to her house to help babysit her kids and she trust me enough to give me a key to her house. She got divorced earlier this year and I’ve been helping her transition into being a single mother and be a helpful friend. However, it has become overbearing at times and I’ve recently tried to get her to rely on me less by telling her no with some resistance from her.

This morning she calls me while I’m at work and asks me what time I take my lunch. I tell her around 12 pm and she asks if I could run an errand for her at my lunch and go pick up her kids and drop them off at her mom’s house since her roommate is leaving and no one will be home to watch them. I tell her no cause I’m only taking a 30 minute lunch, which won’t give me enough time to drive to her house, pick up the kids, drop them off at her moms and then return to work for lunch. I’m also diabetic.

“I thought you get an hour lunch? That’s more than enough time to pick them up and drop them off.” She argues.

“I take a 30 minute lunch so I can go home 30 minutes early.” I reply.

“But it won’t hurt you this once today to go home 30 minutes later.”

“I switched up my schedule and now I’m only given 30 minutes for lunch.” I lie.

“Bullshit. I only get 30 minutes. Not like you who gets an hour but chooses to only take 30 minutes. I don’t get it. Why won’t you help?” She asks.

“Cause I don’t want to. It shouldn’t matter what reason I give you.” I reply.

“But I need your help and you’re capable of helping but you’re refusing now? Why be such an ass?”

“I mean if you’re going to call me an ass for not wanting to help you then I don’t know what else to tell you. Whether I get 30 minutes or an hour for lunch, you are not entitled to my time and-“ she hangs up the phone as I’m speaking.

“I don’t have time for your lecture. You can help but refuse even though it would be no problem for you. That’s fucked up.” She texts back.

“You’re being very entitled right now and I don’t think it’s cool to expect your friend to help even if they can. Just cause my uncle has $1,000,000 does not mean he has to pay off my car loan.” I text back.

“Whatever. You’ve changed. You no longer want to help me. You want to make me beg you. Fine be that way. I’ll ruin your life. I’ll go to your house and job and make a scene and tell them how you’re faking your disability” she texts back. I am a us army veteran that’s partial disabled from my service and since I’m not missing a leg or in a wheelchair, she thinks she can get me arrested for fraud.

I haven’t answered her since but I think she’s bluffing and blowing this way out of proportion. But am I wrong for refusing to help her even though I’m not than capable? I keep second guessing myself here so I feel conflicted.

Edit 1: so I’m seeing a lot of people advising me to block her but I have actually tried this before when we had a previous fight and it did not end up well. She got a different friend to start calling me on her behalf and said if I don’t unblock her then she’s come to my house, my job and anyone else I know and personally make a scene until I agreed to talk. And yes I’ve told her if she does that to anyone I know or my that I’d call the police to which her answer was “go ahead I’ll tell them your defrauding the VA and you’ll lose your benefits and go to jail. Trust me I know the law and have friends in the police department.” So blocking her has had its own issues.

Update 1: so it’s been a day later and she has since calmed down. She told me she left the kids home and monitored them through their home camera. Although she has since calmed down, I am weary about doing anything for her seeing how volatile she can be. I also explained to her how difficult it would be to have the VA stop my benefits and that I know she doesn’t have time for all this. I guess we’ll see what happens. Thanks everyone!