Do you ever feel so alone and isolated, it becomes maddening? Idk how your life is, hopefully you have friends and/or family that you don’t these feelings don’t creep in.

But over the last 3 years my life has just been a spiral to absolute loneliness, and it’s slowly getting to me more and more. I have no one to express and share. And the longer I stay on this path the harder it is to get out and it really feels like I’m past the point of return. I don’t see how anyone would get close to me, and no matter how much I try it doesn’t seem like I’m able to get close to anyone.

Doesn’t help that the current world itself is a shit show. I don’t blame anyone for having walls up, not looking to take risks. For some they have enough of a life and relationships that sustain the bases of life. But for others it’s like we’re left out in the wastelands.

I feel like shit and I have no one to vent to, no one I trust legitimately wants to know how I am and help. I remember a different life where I did have the relationships where if I felt a certain way I knew I had those to lift me up and wanted to be part of my life. But now… there’s no one to go to, there’s no one to vent, leaving me more alone with my thoughts which is exactly what i’m trying to avoid.

I don’t want this, but how does it change? The problem is the more alone I get the more I need someone to care but how can someone care enough when it’s impossible to connect at that deep a level from just face value. It’s a hole that keeps getting deeper, and the deeper it gets the longer the rope I’d need to get out, the louder I have to scream for help, the less people want to deal with it. Again, I don’t blame anyone. Who wants to invest that much energy into someone else without knowing them? But then what are the options? I’m trying to climb out myself while simultaneously try to just exists.

Overall wordy way to say, I’m tired of being this alone. I have no one to vent to and seek genuine help. I know that any relationship is a seed that gets planted and slowly grows, but what happens when there isn’t the space and time to wait for it to grow. Why is it so hard for me to connect with people, why is it so hard for people to connect with me?

I don’t want to be alone anymore, but I feel like I’ve exhausted all venues and I see what the general consensus is: no one is interested in getting close to me.