Good morning everyone, new to this subreddit. I have gone to multiple Al-Anon meetings in my area and just can not find one I fit in with. I am 26 and they all seem to not take me seriously due to my age. I feel like they all judge me for staying because I haven’t been married for 25 years. All meetings around me that I have attended are 4-5 people max and an average age of 60. Not that that is a bad thing, they just don’t seem to accept me so I’m turning to here to hope to find a more welcoming response.

I just feel the need to get this off of my chest. I am in a 4 year relationship with the man I love with all my heart, but he’s an alcoholic. Rarely an angry or mean drunk, mostly just happy and silly which makes it hard to be mad. I almost wish he was more of an asshole so I would have an excuse to leave, but instead I see and understand why he does what he does due to depression and anxiety so I can’t hate him.

He’s been recently laid off (works a trade and the job ended - nothing to do with his performance) and I see how being home all of the time has taken a huge toll on him, he does too but is hesitant to seek out more work. The drinking has got to the point of at minimum he is drinking one bottle of Jameson a day, sometimes even more. I’ve expressed my concerns in a loving, non-blaming way but he doesn’t see an issue and doesn’t plan on stopping.

With that being said, it’s only natural to see the writing on the wall and know that this amount of booze is slowly killing him whether he realizes it or not. Im certainly an over-thinker but I don’t think that is to far fetched. I just am constantly grieving someone who is still alive, while accepting the fact that he doesn’t want to change. I’ve left before and just could never feel right without him (codependency perhaps) but saw how when I left, the one bottle turned to 2 bottles really fast and figured it’d be better for me to stick around. I just don’t want to lose my best friend. I’m at such a cross road of “should i leave and watch it get worse?” Or “should i stay and cherish every good moment together?” I hope this doesn’t sound silly I’m just so lost

Thank you in advance