4 months sober today. This is my longest stretch of sobriety since I was 10 years old, and realistically, since I was much younger than that.

My drinking started at a very young age. It was used to both pacify and groom me for abuse. I started seeking out alcohol for the effect when I was around 7 years old. I had no sober moments between the ages of 15 and 22. I never got to feel that euphoric 'ah-ha' moment many alcoholics describe when they discover the drink later in their adolescence. Alcohol, for me was an ever present medication required to navigate life.. and I was taught (by alcoholics) that AA was just a place for people who couldn't 'handle their booze.'

I was shattered when I went to my first meeting. I had an unmanaged life that was engineered around my drinking. I built a life where I was drinking, recovering from drinking, or working to earn money to keep drinking. At my worst I was drinking about 5 gallons of whiskey a week. I didn't think i had a problem because I was very successful in my profession, and I was REALLY only drinking 1 beer a night to chase the pint glasses of bourbon.

I went to my first meeting 4 days after being dumped by the love of my life. We go back a couple decades in friendship. She was my best friend growing up. My drinking was her only apprehension about pursuing a romantic relationship, but I managed to clean up here and there and convince her it wasn't a problem.

My bottom truly came after my lest stretch, when I began drinking solely because I had 'everything I wanted' and I did it on my own, and in spite of God and the childhood I had to survive. I wasn't comfortable feeling good. I wasn't aware of the blessings I'd received. And I wasn't able to handle the emotions sober.

I binged for about 2 months, thinking I was keeping it secret, but I wasn't. She knew, and did what she had to do after watching me detox, again.

My bottom was emptiness. Complete emptiness. The only emotions, when I could allow them were guilt for having hurt her and a complete disconnect from my spirituality, which has always been a bedrock for my moral way of life. Death, or sobriety. The choice is as clear today as it was several months ago. I knew incouldnt stay sober alone. I knew, then and now, that I won't survive another trip back to the bottle.

This sub got me to my first meeting. People dm'd me to check in. Once I made it to that first meeting I was off and running.

In my first 4 month of sobriety the program picked me up, dusted me off, listened to my bullshit, and gave me some of the best suggestions I've ever received, not just about sobriety and alcoholism, but about spirituality and life as well.

I posted 2 months ago about a trip with a fellow from a group who took me under his wing. In my first 2 months the program LITERALLY brought me the furthest from home I'd ever been.

It's tough realizing that I am starting. Not starting over at 37, but just starting. Sobriety, to me, is no longer a finish line type of deal. I'll be an alcoholic forever. My sobriety is summitless. I'm in uncharted territory, and I couldn't be more enthusiastic about it.

My prayers are being answered in rapid succession. I'm making TRUE friends for the first time in my life. I got the flu and had about a dozen calls and texts from people in the program, just to check on me. That's a level of kindness I've never experienced. This has become a family I never had the chance to have.

I didn't get the girl back, and don't suspect I will. And that's OK. I'll keep praying for her.

I do step 1 at least 4 times a day. Down from the 47 or so a couple months ago. I'm content to call that progress.

I've been able to receive help from fellow drunks, and have been able to return the favor by providing rides, hugs, laughs and support to others as well.

I've been able to confront my past, my childhood, my flaws, and to forgive myself. To accept myself.

Today I'm 123 days sober, and I never thought the kindest, most dependable people I could meet would be a group of drunks.

Thank y'all. I love you.