My friend called one of the “elders” in our home group to take her to the hospital. He sat with her outside her apartment while the ambulance was on the way to pick her up. Her HR was high and her O2 levels were low, BP levels were okay.

Everyone’s responses at my home group were on both sides of the aisle: focus on my own sobriety and not interact with her until she was sober, and others said to be there for her and show up for her. It’s a hard place to be and felt selfish to focus on myself, but ultimately focusing on others and their problems led me to this place of turning to substances and drinking.

For context, I’m almost 2 months sober from alcohol and although that urge to drink hasn’t come up, the urge to turn towards a recent co-dependent relationship I was in was very much there. I knew if I put myself in the situation of focusing on my friend, I’d cave in and reach out to someone who’s asked me for space and time and I don’t want to ignore those boundaries. I appreciate all those who commented on my OG post (which I have below for anyone who didn’t see it).

[OG POST] I don’t know what to do

A friend of mine in AA relapsed today and relapsed a few weeks ago too. I got in touch with her sponsor and several “elders” in our home group to make sure that what I’m doing is the right thing to do. I know that my sobriety has to come first in these instances and what I’m struggling with the most is not wanting her to feel like I don’t care.

I don’t have an urge to drink and reached out to my sponsor about the situation, but I know the self doubt and the urge to reach out to my ex is strong. Not to lean on her but because I want someone to validate that focusing on myself in these situations is important.

I can’t 12 step my friend yet since she’s still drunk and told her I’d meet her for coffee before our home group meeting tonight but is there anything else I should do in these situations when a friend relapses?