Hey guys, really need some help here. My sponsor won’t respond and hasn’t responded to me for a week. So I came here. I hit 5 months of sobriety this week, but I feel worse than ever. I’ve never been sober this long, and am in a sober living with a bunch of other guys who are sober. I am terrified of relapsing because I don’t want to let down my family and go to rehab again. But I don’t want to be sober, my plan has always been to just thug it out until I’m 18 in about a year, and then go back to using, but I can’t stand feeling anything. I want to change the way I feel desperately. I keep telling myself how bad the consequences are going to be, but I just don’t care. I want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t know what to do, I talk to my sponsor multiple times a week (until this week), go to four meetings a week, am active in the gym and finished my fourth step. I have no relief and the cravings aren’t going away. Help me I don’t want to fail everyone but at the same time all I want is to get intoxicated.