Ok so I wasn't sure where to post this there's going to be a lot of rambling here so if you read this I appreciate it. So I have grown up with an alcoholic dad but the issue is I didn't know he was an alcoholic until I was 17 and I grew up thinking his behaviour was normal. So I have a lot of issues with self control and I find it hard with anything, especially alochol, to stop once I have started and have found myself getting kicked out of places on multiple occasions or throwing up in public places. I spent a lot of time not even realising this was problematic but my mum and my dad have both yelled at me and called me an alcoholic for this and my sister (16F) has gotten a bit annoyed as well. I drink excessively when I am out to the point of passing out or throwing up but I can only afford to go out usually once a fortnight, if I'm lucky twice due to cost reasons. When I'm not going out I drink things such as wine and I maybe get drunk three times at week at most. I have always used alcohol to deal with difficult emotions as I often have very uncontrollable and very intense emotions. I have been drinking since I was 14 and there was a time when I was 16 when I spent most of my time drunk or hungover or trying to clean up a mess from when I was drunk. I had managed to get control of that or I thought I did but its kind of gotten worse since I have legal freedom. I spend a lot of time wishing I could be drunk but I also don't want to be an alcoholic and I don't know how to fix myself. Everyone hates me for this. Any advice would be much appreciated thank you