I really dont know where to confide this concern that I have. I have neither friends nor family to open up with and I cant stand being vulnerable to the people around me. Hear me out and maybe say something nice?

To start, my EQ is very low and I understand things thay are "logical". Love is something that cannot be defined by logic though, and that's where the problem comes. I had a girlfriend before, I liked her a lot but I can put my finger if I actually loved her (I probably did but I dont know). We had a lot of problems with me not understanding her enough and being unable to emotionally be with her, so we eventually broke up because I cant figure out what I am doing wrong.

A few years have passed and I feel like I want to date but I am not sure if I want to actually date or just want either a trophy girlfriend or a doll? Sorry, by doll I mean someone that I could buy clothes for and have her look good everytime. Because of this I cant bring myself to date because it doesnt feel genuine, I want to date to marry but I think I have ruined the idea of dating for myself.

P.S. Its a huge mess I know, Im usually more articulate at expressing ideas but thoughts that concern myself is a big mess in my head.

P.P.S. I dont have problems with my goals and such. I have clear goals in my mind and its going pretty well. Its not even a matter of focus because I have complete focus over them.