I (25M) had a fuck buddy (22F) just until about two days ago. And what she said to me the morning after we had sex literally changed the trajectory of my life and I don't know why.

I met my fuck buddy sa dating app two months ago, and we started off as a talking stage. Kaso, we both decided na maging fuck buddies nalang kami since we both said na ayaw talaga namin ng commitment. So, ayun.

I don't want to go too much into detail about it kasi hindi naman yun yung point ng post ko, pero the sex is amazing. We have great chemistry, kalog siya and very funny. Napaka random niya and madali siyang kausap— matalino rin so hindi mo aakalain na wild pala siya sa kama. Not to mention na maganda siya, meztisa siya na mukhang japanese. The best nipples and armpits ever, sobrang sarap niya.

To keep this short, we met after one week of not seeing each other since I was out of town for my work. I picked her up to go to my place, we had sex and then in the morning, while we were eating breakfast na siya ang nag-luto biglang may binring up siya sakin which ultimately led us to stop seeing each other.

Nagbibiruan pa kami nung una, kasi nga she's kalog and very playful ang sabi niya out of the blue "Parang hindi para sa akin to, charot!!" She laughed it off pero halata ko na may pinapahiwatig siya ron. So I asked her what she meant by that. Sabi niya "Wala, parang nakokonsensiya na ako." before laughing. I laughed with her, biniro ko pa nga siya na hindi ba siya nag enjoy. Sabi niya "Nag-enjoy naman, pero parang pinagsisisihan ko na rin." Sabi ko sakanya, ang lala naman ng post nut clarity niya hahahaha. Pero tinanong ko siya why she felt that way, and naging seryoso kami both. I felt like she had something heavy on her shoulders.

Non verbatim. Sabi niya "Feeling ko nawawalan ako ng respeto sa sarili ko because of this set up. Hindi yata ako para sa mga ganito, beb." So tinanong ko siya ano ba gusto niyang mangyari, as always tumawa siya to make the atmosphere lighter which always works. Sabi niya "Hindi pa tapos dialogue ko, wait lang." Parang marami pa siyang gustong sabihin so pinakinggan ko lang siya isort out yung thoughts niya.

Sabi niya, narealize niya na she isn't really made for the fuck buddy type of relationship. Hindi niya naman raw tatawaging pagkakamali yung nangyari between the two of us, pero tatawagin niya raw yong experience. Somehow, I felt like it was my fault kasi ako ang nag offer na maging fuck buddies kami. Pero she kept reassuring me na pumayag siya on her own will.

Sabi niya, "Parang naaawa ako sa sarili ko" and that's when I stopped thinking. Napatulala nalang ako. "This type of set up isn't for me, di ako maka keep up eh." she continued. And pinakinggan ko lang siya while she laid her heart out. Sabi niya pa "I knew I wasn't looking for anything serious, pero hindi ko inakala na magbabago pala isip ko bigla".

"I'm not made for relationships like this, ayoko na yata. I think I'm ready for something more serious and start a relationship kung saan mas marerespeto ko yung sarili ko." Basically she was saying na ayaw niya na ng gaguhang relationship. Pero di ko inexpect na maiiyak ako sa mga sasabihin niya.

Sabi niya, "I'm not blaming you kasi talking stage lang naman tayo and what we are is part of our exploration. Pero sinabi ko na rin sa sarili ko na last ka na, and I guess that's why. Gusto ko na makakilala ng tao genuinely, hindi ganito kababaw."

And dito ako naiyak ladies and gentlemen, sabi ni fubu..

"I finally want someone to know me for who I am. Oo interested ka sakin, and attracted ka. Pero I want a deeper connection na eh. Like, sana you knew I sculpted, painted and loved photography and filming as a hobby before you saw my body. Sana you saw all the art I could make bago mo ako nahawakan. You don't even know na I could sing and dance, you don't know that I like literature. Yun lang. Feeling ko nasasayang ako sa ganto kasi genuinely I'm so much more."

Naiyak nalang ako dun sa monologue niya na yon. Wala lang, naiyak lang ako because she's genuinely very nice and amazing. But tama nga siya, we don't even know each other. And unfortunately, magkaiba na nga kami ng gusto. I'm not in love with her, pero it's still bittersweet to lose someone like her biglaan.

_

EDIT: Since marami rin na curious ano nangyari after nung monologue ni fubu. Here's what happened next.

I told her na I don't know what to say to that. Tanong niya, "Okay lang, pero may point ba ako hahahaha?". And sinabi ko sakanya na meron, na naiintindihan ko siya. And for all of those wondering, I asked her "Ano na gusto mo mangyari?". Since I know to myself na hindi pa ako ready mag commit, and it seems like she knows it too. Ang sagot niya lang is "I want to have a fresh start with someone else, gusto ko maka develop ng relationship na wala munang sex. Just pure interest."

Dun ko napag tanto na if ever man mag seryoso ako sakanya, she wouldn't be comfortable kasi kada kasama niya ako she would only be thinking about our past, which is fuck buddies. And she isn't comfortable with that. So I asked her, "Should we stop seeing each other?" tapos tumango lang siya. Ang dali lang para sakanya na mag agree ron, so it was obvious na set na siya sa decision niya. So we agreed on that, na hindi na kami maguusap or magkikita. We were just an experience that she doesn't want to do again. Of course, hinatid ko muna siya one last time. Bago siya bumaba ng car ko, she asked me. "Do you want me to block you?" And I told her, "Oo, baka hanapin lang kita ng hanapin."

We both want different things. I am not ready for a commitment and even if I was, she wouldn't start a relationship with me. She was already uncomfortable with what we had, and siya na mismo nagsabi na she wants a fresh start with someone else. Yes, we know basic information about each other such as work, favorite food, songs, colors. Pero I never really knew na she was an artist as a hobby. It's my fault na kada tatanungin niya ako and makikipag engage siya in conversations to get to know each other, ako lagi niyang tinatanong and never ko man lang siyang tinatanong pabalik. Alam ko na kapag nakilala ko pa siya ng lubusan baka main love ako sakanya, and what's the use of me being in love kung hindi ako ready mag commit. Wala akong pinagsisisihan kasi I know she deserves better than me, that's life.

EDIT 2: Holy fuck it's blowing up sa FB, it has 7k reacts already and tangina bakit niyo nirepost hahahahahaha.