So, I have been trying to experience dates. Kahit 27 na ako hindi ko pa naranasan na mailabas sa isang date na magkikwentuhan over food or papasyal. Last Thursday, I had an anxiety attack that kept me up all night. I felt so lonely that I prayed to God to make me feel less lonely this weekend.

Until Friday, a guy messaged me. He already messaged me back then saying that he is interested over coffee. SFW lang daw because he was trying to make connections. Since kakaalis lang din nung hook up ko nung time na yon and Im starting to feel lonely again.

And I said why not. Total may balak naman ako ng Sabado talaga. I was supposed to watch The Moon but my mental health is so bad that I decided to ditch it and just refresh sa SM cubao. I asked the guy if we can meet sa Cubao para kung red flag e madali kong matatakasan.

That time wala na rin talaga ako pake sa itsura gusto ko lang ng kasama or kakwentuhan hanggang sa makuha ko yung Movie Kit tapos uuwi na ako.

PS. I do have a friend na pwede kong kasama kaso lang ayoko naman ipasa burden ko sa mental health ko ngayong may problem din siya. So I never told her abt my breakdown when she was texting me and asking me how my day went.

We met in the Starbucks on Gateway, he is cute. A little taller than me, aakalain mo nga tomboy or gay din. He is a bit soft pala, mahinhin but assured me he is straight. Gentle lang daw talaga siya kahit sa kilos.

He was so cool and found out that we are talking too much pagbaba sa gateway. Inaya ko siya sa Alimall para kumain since madami doon. Since I enjoy walking a lot, napasubo siya sa mahabang lakaran. Humingi ako ng pasensya pero sabi niya okay lang daw para maka 10k steps siya. We ended sa Gerry's Grill where we talked and ate for an hour or two.

We talked about the platform Im in which is twitter and my Alter acct. He asked things which I cooly answered, he also told me about himself and his past. He opened up so fast, surprising but I cant bring myself to judge him. I was amazed how strong he is. And we also had the same struggle with weight and skin.

So maraming common. 2.30 pm came and he asked me if Ill still see the movie. I said nope, it was to heavy and as much as I want see D.O and his movie, seating alone in the theatre beside people I dont know might give me panic attack.

So naglakad ulit kami pa-gateway papuntang Cineplex 2. He is also a kpop fan like me so we talked abt it, as well as some ppop. Ang tumatakbo sa isip ko e amazement. So ganito pala ang date, u will be happy just to get to know the person. I told him he can leave and ill line up. Pero pumila siya kasama ko kaya di ko maramdaman na mag isa ako.

Mahigit isang oras kami pumili kasi medyo weak ang powers ng organizer and after that I ditched the movie and we went to a coffee shop. There, things got more fun, we started to talk about what we like pag dating, relationship and sex. Medyo kanal ako magsalita so nawi-witty-han siya sa mga sagot ko. Complimenting na ang cool ko daw, and my answers are so smart.

And the fact na di ko hinusgahan yung past niya at instead curious was very green flag for him. So our conversation got juicy when the convo entered sex. We spoke abt our best and worst and what we like to do. So I made him curious about me, I was constantly licking my lips while we are talking and giving answers like, "Im not sure if my partners liked me before. Some asked for seconds some dont."

And also answers like, "I actually like giving specially if I am so comfortable with the person." Basta within that or mas juicy pa ata yung sinabi ko. Take note this guy is not my type, but the way he handles me and even wipes my face when sweating makes me want to lean in kiss him sa coffee shop pero baka di niya ako nakikita as someone desirable.

I was thicc and got a round face so I was a bit conscious. Ilang beses niya ako inassure na wala siyang definite type kasi these days, na-arouse siya sa mga matalino kausap. Baka daw daw nung early 20's niya, choosy siya. But now, he just wanted connections and if sex happens edi happens.

Sabi ko, talaga? He said yes, he also met other women before pero yon minsan daw talaga nagugulat sa past niya so either losing interest or will initiate daw to fuck him. Which for him, parang di na daw niya bet. He wanted to connect talaga.

I was looking at him, his eyes while licking or biting my lips. Then he said, "pwede maging honest?" I said yes.

"Yung answers mo sa akin super witty and smart. Pero I promised u na sfw dapat tayo."

"Then?"

"You made me so curious sa mga sagot mo. I-- you can say no naman kasi wala sa plano. Pero-- do you want to stay for 3 more hours? Or gusto mo umuwi ka na?"

Natameme ako, as in... nakuha niya yung signs ko o sadyang halata ako? "I can take u home naman kung gusto mo na umuwi at ayaw mo na mag stay." He has a car and I was planning na magpahatid tapos papa-gas ko na lang kasi may fleet card naman ako. Ill ask him sana pero yon he offered.

Then I said, "Yes I can stay till 7pm."

Thats it! Kahit di kami handa, naghanap kami 711 to buy condoms. He kept asking me kung okay lang ba talaga or napipilitan lang ako. E hindi naman like God knows kanina ko pa siya gustong i-kiss kasi ang cute niya.

So we checked in sa Astrotel. Joking na ibang The Moon yung pinuntahan ko. We had more private convo inside the room. Mare, we even talked about kpop habang nakaupo kasi napagod kami maglakad.

We eventually showered. And the ambiance when were making out is just relaxing. Im the type who never experienced Vanilla sex. So akala ko I wont enjoy it pero yon, I enjoyed our time together.

We only did it once since parehas kaming puyat and wala sa hulog. But he enjoyed it, I did too. After that we went home. Hinatid niya ako hanggang sa malapit sa bahay. And told me that he enjoyed the date, apologized for the sudden sex invite.

So yon... I really dont mind if mag sex kami or hindi. But I just find it amazing na ganon pala kasaya ang totoong date. Yung di niyo napapansin yung sakit ng paa kakalipat ng mall at lakad at oras sa kwentuhan.

I hope na sana naenjoy niya ako haha. Kinda waiting for him to text pero di ako nag-i-expect since ang ingay ko while fucking.

Edit: He hadnt contact me yet. So feeling ko mag move forward na ako baka pinadala lang ni Lord that day para di ako magka-anxiety while lining up.