I went to my cousin’s birthday celebration today.

He’s 4 years older, invited family and friends to the dinner party.

His barkada was there. Typical private school grads with refined men in the group.

The thickness of testosterone in the air with a bit of alcohol in my system was enough to get meaningful eye contacts.

I should’ve stayed in the post dinner party, but it’s also a family gathering so the boomers (incl my parents) are also there so I was in a leash.

Heck, I couldn’t even interact properly. Not even drink freely.

Part of me wanted to go to the bathroom and bump into one of them. Get fake drunk and make out.

One of the guys was already giving me sticky eye contacts. Couldn’t help but respond with my own.

Best I could do was to let myself secretly break inside. Pure ache.