I have been asked multiple times, through DMs, comments, and even calls, some tips and tricks to have better sex or be able to please your partner more, or to sharpen an "edge" to be a more powerful sexual being.

Time and time again, I have always said the same thing, "Communicate." It might be cliché but it is effective. Whether it is verbal or nonverbal, communication plays a huge role in everything, especially sex, but what I am about to share is some advice that I think would best help you, not just through sex, but with other things as well.

"Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it."

I know. Those are two things that are "easy" for others yet Mount Everest for some.

In my close to two decades of sexual experience, I have deduced the simplest trick to pleasure yourself and others with that piece of advice.

FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT.

I want sex.

We all want that. But it differs from whom, how, where, and what kind, even how frequent.

How?

Getting to know yourself.

I have had multiple posts here on AJ asking you to be more aware of yourself and to start, if you have not, trying to learn more about yourself by exploring your body, your needs, your kinks, fetishes, and limitations. Being observant upon yourself while you shower, masturbate, or be fucked would make you learn more about yourself as how people "rate you" or give you "honest reviews".

By figuring out who you are in bed and outside of it, helps you figure out what you want.

Do you like it rough?

Do you like oral?

Do you like anal?

Do you like men? Women? Both?

Do you like having multiple people at the same time?

Or do you even like sex at all?

Taking notes of your experiences help you figure out what you want. And in turn, it makes another list of the things you've realized that you do not want.

These "realizations" make up who you are. This creates your persona, or "alterego" if you were to prefer to your sexual self as one.

And these learnings, help you figure out and decide what to do next.

The mere fact that you are trying to figure out what makes you cum when you masturbate helps a lot in figuring out what you truly want and helps you plan out how you'd be able to find someone that can satisfy you and your partner.

As high-effort as it may seem, having sex isn't as simple as the primal need to procreate (not unless you want babies, even that's complicated, mind you), we aim to have fun when we have sex, stay safe while having it, and get it as often as we need.

It's not as easy as you think, but if you know what you want exactly, like a trip to a grocery store: as many as the aisles could get, as long as you have your grocery list, you'll be done in no time.

Without learning who you are and immediately dive into things, you would just be running around all over the place, mostly unsatisfied because you are not focused in getting what you want since you did not stop and took the time to figure out what you wanted in the first place.

LEARN TO ASK FOR IT.

Hey, do you wanna hook up?

Oh, if only it were that easy.

Learning to ask for what you want involves emotional intelligence. Oh yeah, we are going there. It isn't just the power of persuasion, but being sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others.

Ugh. I just wanna fuck. I don't have to do this.

No, no. Get that thought out of your head. That sex is THAT easy to get. If it were, it wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry.

From getting yourself pretty, to gym memberships, to the different types of condoms, to perfume, to the Playboy magazines, to clothing, to pussy scented candles from Gwyneth Paltrow, to the toys that evolved to WIFI control, to the Skims of the Kardashians, to the music of Daniel or Aiko, and so on and so forth... If directly and indirectly related to sex, if it were THAT EASY they wouldn't even make a profit.

Now, how do you learn to ask for it?

● KNOW WHO TO ASK.

Ah, yes. The marketing edge of knowing your demographic--your target audience. If you can figure out, who to ask, those whom you know that can provide you, willingly--if I may add, what you want, then it would be easier to you get what you want.

This is the tough reality of realizing and understanding: that not all people you want could give you what YOU WANT. There is a difference.

● WHAT AND HOW DO I ASK?

Do you want to fuck?

This you can figure out once you know who to ask. You'd be able to know and adjust to how a person would respond by how you talk to them. This is figuring out if you would be blunt, or indirect. But be prepared for "blunt force trauma", since some people get spooked by straightforwardness, and they tend to shy away from those types of conversations.

Would you be open to hangout soon?

An open-ended invitation, would help you figure out more things about the person and helps you strategize and plan your next move.

● WHEN DO I ASK?

Learn how to read the room.

If this was in real life, you can observe non-verbal communication such as gestures, eye movement, breathing patterns, and the like. If the person seems that they are "open to suggestion" then it's time to pop the question. Don't get used to taking people by surprise for sometimes, it does come with regret after everything is done.

● WHY DO I HAVE TO ASK?

Remember the saying, "The answer would always be 'no' if you do not ask."

Without taking the chance of asking what you want and striving how to get it, you lose the opportunities to get them.

If you didn't get it (which rarely happens if you're doing the right thing), let's go back to figuring out what you want.

You ask yourself if the thing you're aiming for is something you really want. If it is, figure out if you've asked the right people, at the right timing, with the right question.

And when I say "right", it's what that situation called for. What the circumstances entail, with a favorable consequence to it.

A "wrong" question was probably a question you didn't stop to think about before you asked.

A rule of thumb in getting what you want and asking for it is to:

Listen to yourself ask the question out loud, if it does not anger, offend, insult, degrade, or discredit anyone then go ahead--but if it does, think of another question to ask because you ain't getting what you want.

Sex is "simple". It's as basic as putting a penis into an orifice and finishing inside it.

Again, if it were, would you be here?