I steal some of your time, you steal some of mine. You might make me greedy though, so you'll have to keep up.

Hi there. Fit, attractive, perpetually horny (isn’t this supposed to fade with age?) DILF type, looking for his MILF type. Married. Looking at these ads. You know who you are. Looking for daytime distractions because even though your life is busy, you are quietly going a little insane on the inside.

Ideally you've done this before, maybe even fell for someone, sworn it off for good, and then ended back here just like me. Wherever 'here' is. This isn’t the only speakeasy. The music is nice, it's got a rhythm you can dance to. And you adore someone that can make you laugh one minute, a gut busting one, and then touch your thigh and send electricity straight to your loins. Maybe even slide his hand under that skirt right under the table at the bar, where no one is the wiser and you can't break. No matter how much you want to. Just stare and quiver. Maybe even bite that lip and let your eyes roll a little.

That's the stuff right?

So come on down, send me a message, find out if I can back all this up, and if I'm your type. Local, please, even though that kills my chances, because I'm not into long distance torture. Tried it, and at some point if I can't inhale you I'm gonna go bonkers. Ciao'.