Hi, so this is supposedly Oliver Graves. I'll likely never confirm or deny that fully....

First off, let me just say this. I like posting here, I like speculating with you guys. I want to be clear though, I don't have inside information. I don't know secrets, Im not really holding out on anything. The things I say typically are known to everyone or are guesses. Im just pointing them out at opportune moments. I can really only speak for my experiences too. Some of you really get this and are respectful and I really appreciate that. When you treat what I say as a theory, thank you. When you start to put words in my mouth, uh.... don't do that.

So lets get to why Im really making this post. I see tons and tons of speculation on various things and I wanted to consolidate some ideas and thoughts Ive had. I also want to say, I support Vicki and Samuel in their journey through the live shows. Comedians doing well on this show is good for all comedians. I do wish they had more comics on, I think two is far too little. One of the best things about comedy is diversity and they could use a little more.

Alright, so why didn't I move forward? Or really.... why not, Jeffrey Li? Fratelli Rossi? Strong acts also in my Judge Cuts episode, they were cut too, or other acts in other episodes. Is the show about talent or sob stories, or prior fame, or what?

I think each judge works towards their own agenda. Yes, it's Simon's show and he stands to gain a lot of from having a highly marketable and profitable show. That actually puts him in the HARDEST position of all the all judges. People respond to singers, people want variety, people want what he hates sometimes, and he wants to give people what they want. He wants to hit every single check box and make as many people happy as possible. While also knowing what works, what sells and what each act can do moving forward. This is not an easy balancing act. He knows talent. He knows comedy way better than I thought. He enjoyed my act, he got it, saw something and every indication I felt was he wanted me to move forward.

Which leads me to the comments that Simon gets his way. I don't think so. I don't think at all that Mel, Heidi or Howie would be on the show if they were just puppets. They get a say, they want to push certain acts forward. They each have their own idea of what the next face of music, or dance or comedy should be. They have an easier time to fight for acts. They don't worry about all the checkboxes, they look at the acts story and talent.

I think this season possibly had the most amount of female comedians to audition ever. It's a guess, but I think that to be true, I met more female comics than male, but they didn't move forward. I think Mel and Heidi very much want to see a female comedian come out of AGT, as that really hasn't happened yet. Im glad there's been a push for this.

So personally, why didn't I move forward? I think I had a very strong judge cuts performance. It got a standing ovation from the audience, that doesn't happen to every act. That didn't happen because Howie stood, he stood because the audience was. The fact I got Martina McBride to praise a goth one liner dry comic? No one thought that would happen, especially not me.

I don't think I fit everyone's agenda. If you look at my Judge cuts episode and look who moved forward you can see they found what they were hoping. Which acts all 4, or 5, judges felt should be the face of dance, singing, ect. That's only one part of it.

Really, I think I didn't move forward cause I couldn't do it. I said when I was there Id be ok with going home. Partly a lie telling myself to be ok with the idea Id probably be going home. I didn't want to cry again, as much as that's helped me get attention, it's still super embarrassing you guys.... Had they followed me back to my hotel tho, they'd have caught me bawling my eyes out, so I got better at holding it in at least.

Also, I never thought Id be there, I never thought it'd be on TV. I figured they'd show me backstage cause I look weird, get made fun of or something. I tried every step of the way to not be a joke and show them I take comedy seriously. I never once really planned to get to Judge Cuts. I thought Id audition, get a buzz, get a couple yes's, be made fun of on TV, and have this little moment. I never once thought Id get through. I mean that, 100% of the way. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact there's a video of me online doing stand up with 3.4 million views. Like... the most viewed comedic act this season, it makes no sense to me. I try to believe in myself and am confident Im funny, but it's still baffling.

I say that, and now my nightmare of success is coming true. I don't have an hour act. I have indeed struggled to get booked. I can get booked for 5-10 minute sets for little to no money by some people, and obviously way easier now. Getting on a real show, at a real place, for real pay? Doing more than 7 minutes? Ive never done over 20 minutes on stage. I rarely if ever get to do over 15. That's a level of practice I don't have. I think in theory, I could do it. I also thought I could have won AGT. Then.....WTF do I do.....when I win...?

It's not a lack of content either or confidence. Im very realistic and honest in my approach. I wouldn't to sell someone an untested product. Ive written a fair amount of what I feel is polished material. That's not it tho. Comedy is an interesting thing, the energy I create I liken to sour candy. You're laughing, but it's not like when you eat cherry flavored candy, it's this more down, like lemons. Now, most of you have not seen me perform for over 5 minutes, Ive worked very hard at finding breaks to the one liners and maintaining focus and laughs. Ive never had to do that for an hour. Ive never pieced this puzzle together, if that makes sense. Does sour candy taste good for a whole hour...?

Now, I haven't gotten too many offers or anything big my way. It's quite now and Im off the show and fading, which is sad, but nice as a comic. People have pitched building one-off shows around me, on the idea of me doing 40 mins to an hour. Ive had to decline. Im not about basically, attempt to tight-rope walk without a net having never tried before. I have too much integrity to take offers I can't back up and possibly look like an ass for trying. It's hugely depressing, but also incredibly satisfying. I want success as much as Im afraid of going to far too fast. I mean, I went from like 150 followers to thousands, I don't know how Id handle being even more famous than I am now. In a few months....maybe I could handle it, atm.....I need to adjust to this still. People are saying I went from 0 to 60 overnight, which is true and I think I need a slower climb, Id probably explode from stress going from 0 to 500.

I don't know, this is a long post. Uh..... is this where I end it and shill now? Follow me @hexOfSpades? I just....It's an interesting time for me, and Im having a lot of fun talking to people on here. I hope this wasn't a boring read. I guess I can try to answer questions.....uh mods if you need to delete this post or have me edit parts of it or something, let me know.