I currently still live with my parent and was raised Christian. But I have been doing my own research and have been developing more of an agnostic perspective. I guess this makes me agnostic but I still believe in God. I just don't believe the bible is entirely accurate or literal. I have been trying to look into other religions like Islam but that doesn't sit with me either ( even though there are lots of stuff I have read about it and liked such as the hijab, 5 daily prayers, etc.) I don't know if this makes me a Theist Atheist or whatever but I just am unsure of who God actually is. I feel comfortable in church too and often feel like I'm performing. I believe in God but not everything that the church teaches. I want to try going to a mosque sometimes but my parents are very controlling and micromanage me so it would be hard to check out other religions without them knowing.

I feel very alone in this deconstruction process and don't have many friends who are also deconstructing.

This Halloween is the first one I have attended because my dad specifically is very religious. I literally just walked up and down a neighborhood and saw all the kids in their costumes getting candy and it melted my heart. I feel like I am finally releasing myself to relax in life more and feel less scared of demons attacking me or me going to hell. I watched a horror movie on my birthday and had fun watching it too. I use to hate that sort of stuff because of the demonic and all of that. But now I can just relax more. I use to hate that my birthday was so close to Halloween but now I just feel like I can loosen up.

I don't fully know what I believe right now but I'm happy that I'm on this journey of discovery. I hope God will be gracious to me as I try to discover who he/they/she actually is outside of the Christian institution.