I feel like I'm losing my littlespace :( every time I get little, my Daddy almost always says I'm annoying in some way. He keeps promising to help take care of me but he never does it and just bleh :( I has a lot of pains every day and sometimes stuff is really hard for me and last night I was making dinner (my Daddy can't really cook so I almost always make dinner) and I was extra sore and having a hard time. I always ask my Daddy to come stand in the kitchen with me cuz he can't really help me cook but I just want his company especially cuz it's been so painful and hard lately. He was there with me and I asked him to hold a bowl while I poured some frozen corn in it. My fingers were extra owie and I fumbled and spilled a couple corn pieces on the floor and Daddy said he wanted to do the corn (but not in a nice happy soothing Daddy helping way, more in an annoyed way cuz I spilled) and I said I wanted to do it myself cuz it's important to me to feel like I can do stuff. (If I was in littlespace and he was treating me like my little age then I think I'd be really happy for him to do the corn. It just felt more like he was mad at me for making a mistake and not like he was really wanting to help me if that makes sense?) But anyways. I told him I wanted to do it myself and why and he just got mad at me and said I should consider that doing it myself takes longer and is more annoying cuz I spilled and now he has to pick up the corn pieces and I should have considered how I was impacting him instead of wanting to do it myself. He kinda yelled at me about it :( a little bit after that, he was still kinda saying how it was bad that I kept doing the corn, while I was finishing taking something hot out of the microwave. My stupid fumble fingers got burned a little bit on the hot thing in the microwave and I dropped it (it was only lifted about half an inch up so nothing bad happened and it didn't spill or anything) and Daddy kinda got more mad and tried to just take over what I was doing and he got really close to me and I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed and said to go away and let me do it. Then Daddy pushed my hand really hard off his shoulder and my fingers hit the fridge (right beside the microwave) and it hurt really really bad and my fingers on that hand got swollen :( I got really mad and yelled for him to leave me alone and don't touch me and stay away from me. I said it wasn't okay for him to hurt me like that but he said it wasn't okay for me to shove him like I did.... I wasn't trying to hurt him and I didn't push hard, but I did touch him so I feel like he's right and I feel like I was just as bad :(

I feel so sad and trapped and scared :( I used to try to be little by myself lots since my Daddy doesn't really like to participate but lately it's scary to even be little at all :( and I feel really sad and lonely when I am little, like I'm just worried that I'm weird and stupid and annoying and I feel so lonely and sad. I wish my Daddy like being my Daddy in the ways that I like to have a Daddy :( when I try to talk to him about it he always gets mad and says he loves being a Daddy and I don't get to decide for him and maybe he just likes to be a different kind of Daddy than what I want. But I don't feel like he likes any "Daddy things" :( I wish I knew what type of little stuff he wants and likes. When I try to ask what he likes he always says this vague stuff or stuff that I don't ever see him actually doing but if I say that then he says all these reasons why he doesn't do the things. Bleh.

Thank you for reading my vent and I'm sorry it's all over the place. I hope everyone is having a good day or night and I hope you all have lots of extra stuffie hugs 💙