This is just some venty feelings, please let me know if there needs to be any TWs

My Daddy just makes me feel so sad all the time. I've told him how he makes me feel lots and every morning he promises to spend time with me in the evening. But when he gets home, he just plays on his computer. I'm usually working on my shop stuffs (I have disabilities that prevent me from working a regular job) when he gets home so this is fine. But then I make dinner and I often ask him to come stand in the kitchen with me while I cook because its physically painful for me (fibro) and it makes me feel so much better to be around him and I missed him all day. But he never wants to actually cook with me and he says it's annoying to just stand there. Sometimes I try to be little when I'm doing that stuff but he never participates with me. Then he sits with me to eat dinner but then after we eat if we aren't in the middle of a TV show, he either goes back to his computer or on his phone. I tell him lots that I feel like he doesn't pay any attention to me when he's on his phone like that (he often doesn't hear/respond to what I'm saying when he's on his phone) and he gets mad. I made him a reddit account almost 2 years ago to interact with me on here but he only uses it to look at computer game subs and stuff and he hasn't interacted with me at all on here in over a year.

He never participates with me when I'm little. He always says how much he loves to be a Daddy and how it's so fulfilling and blah blah but whenever I do regress, he just makes me feel so sad. Sometimes I get a little non verbal, but he gets really annoyed when I do this and says that I can be little and still talk and it just makes me feel like I'm not being little properly. I like to make little noises and point when I want something and stuff. And I like to use my pacis and I don't like taking them out of my mouth when I wanna say something. But it all makes him annoyed and he's straight up said lots that he finds it annoying. I like to sing sometimes when I'm little too but he says that's also annoying.

I feel really sad and lonely and just I don't know, whenever I feel little I wanna interact with him and he always fights with me and gets mad when I say I don't feel like he's into being my Daddy but he never helps me be little and he's never "with me" when I'm little. I've been really sad lately because I lost my gramma and one of the only things that's helped me is to regress a little bit. But he just says and does things when I'm little that's takes me out of littlespace. Like he doesn't treat me like I'm my little age (3-6) but instead he treats me like I'm big girl age.

I got a special littlespace Halloween box from a friend of mine yesterday and I was really excited to open it and be little and stuff because it's been really hard the past few days. He promised he would open it with me and stuff so i waited all night to open it with him. When I was opening it I felt little and got really excited at the story books and stuff in there but he just wanted me to hurry up and finish opening all the stuff. It made me feel sad, I wanted to take my time and enjoy all the little things and my little feelings.

I'm trying really hard not to cry while I write this. I have been with my Daddy for 6 years and I have been a little for only 3 years. This whole time, I've told him being little and other things are really important to me and he's promised to do this stuff with me but he just doesn't. I've told him lots for lots of years that this stuff is really important to me and I want to have a Daddy really badly. I know I shouldn't stay with him, but it's hard because I spent so many years with him. And I'm scared that I'm just being little in bad ways and maybe no one would want me. Or that maybe I should just change or be happy with being little by myself. I have physical and mental health problems and I don't think I physically look very nice and being little is "weird" and at least he accepts me. I don't know what to do.