Big me is relieved, little me wants to cry in frustration and loneliness. This has been a long time coming, it's been 3 years trapped in the toxic abuse cycle with a partner who was absolutely terrible to me, wore me down mentally and financially, and left me with nothing. I believe he was manipulative the whole time, I believe that he only took on a CG role for me as a manipulation tactic so that I wouldn't leave him. The messed up part is that it worked. Little me was so happy and enmeshed with this person that she was so scared to be alone, and even though I kept trying to leave, little me felt like we were being abandoned again.

He went back to jail, I was putting money on the phone for the past few weeks, just waiting. Today he told me that he believes that they're going to sentence him to 6 months, tomorrow. Something in me finally snapped. In all this time that he's been in jail, I've been spending a lot of time alone. I only have one friend and we barely talk. I'm autistic and I've been having a very hard time making friends in school, but I joined a club. I don't talk to anyone but the act of sitting in a room full of other people with the same interest has been helping, just getting me out of my house and out of my head. I just feel so alone and it's awful. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I made the best decision for me, it just feels terrible.