TW: Mild substance use

Hi everyone, my name is Emma and I'm 21 yrs old, but I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with shame surround regression?

As background for context its never been easy for me to regress and typically the only way I can is with my boyfriend or when I drink/smoke weed because both help me to stop worrying about how people see me during regression. Even if I'm alone I can't get out of my head how silly I look with a paci in my mouth even though it soothes me more than just about anything. I know I shouldn't worry because no one is even around and the people I care about don't care that I'm a little, but it's hard to change that foundational thought. About 4 years ago it got worse when I was in a relationship with someone far too old to have been dating me repeatedly sexualized my little space when I asked them not to because to me it's just about me being the kid I never was able to be. We thankfully broke up after 2 years, but she ruined little space for me for years.

Im kinda sick right now so I can't see my boyfriend, but while on the phone with him I tried to regress earlier tonight by and it went okay, but those same thoughts drifted into my mind pulling me out of littlespace.

With my new boyfriend, I've finally started to recover, I just still struggle to allow myself to relax and cope with life the way I want to and was hoping someone here might have advice on how to get over the shame I feel.

Thanks everyone ❤