Not really sure which tag to use, sorry if it’s the wrong one 🤷‍♂️.

I’ve had a rough life. A lot of people have definitely had it worse than me, but without a doubt I have not had it easy. I used to carry a lot of resentment and anger for others and myself for allowing my life to unfold the way it has. I’ve listened now to 100 NDE (Near Death Experiences) videos on YouTube, and I see so many striking similarities in these stories, and I feel like I have a good sense when people are BS’ing me, but almost all of these people feel to me like they believe what they’re saying and as someone who used to fear death more than anything…it’s giving me a lot of comfort.

I’ve been in a good place lately even before watching these videos. Started losing a lot of weight. Finding new hobbies and things to do that I really love. Among other things. Randomly though I just started to become curious. For the first time in my life I’m starting to feel a weightlessness. A peace I haven’t had. I’m able to brush the bad off and not overreact to the good and I’m able to cherish the good.

I’m not saying I’m Christian or anything now. I bought a bible because I’m curious to learn, but I will say every time I let my mind accept the thought of Jesus/God being real. I get a warm sense of love that I can’t explain. So much so that I feel my eyes tear up. I’ve begun meditating and praying, not even sure of who I think I’m praying to when I do it, but I’ve started to begin praying for forgiveness, patience, other people, and it feels so much better than when I used to sarcastically and selfishly ask “god” for the material things I wanted.

There’s tears in my eyes writing this. It doesn’t really make sense to me. I used to really find the idea of an afterlife and god/jesus laughable. I don’t know what changed. I had a son, and I think I’ve seen the magic in him growing over the last 4 years. That along with the universe just never making full sense to me are bringing me to the conclusion that my consciousness will live on after I die, and I finally feel ready to live a life worth living for the first time.