I’m 25F and experienced a wide variety of sexual abuse throughout my life. It started with my cousin when I was about 10, and then I was groomed and coerced into sending nude photos by two adult men when I was 14. I told my aunt about my cousin and she did nothing, and when my parents found out about the two adult men, I got in a lot of trouble for it (my dad slapped me and my mom said I was being slutty, and I felt a tremendous amount of religious guilt over it). I also was groomed by a couple who were friends with my dad.

As a result of this I have a lot of difficulty forming lasting romantic relationships. I really would like one, but my longest relationship ended in February and I honestly think that a lot of my intimacy issues contributed. I have some difficulty with physical intimacy, but beyond that it’s also the feeling that I’m fundamentally dirty and unlovable and that people shouldn’t get too close to me. I have friends but some of my friendships have also suffered from this in the past. In the past, I’ve used relationships and situationships with men to heal my loneliness. I’m working on it in therapy right now.

Something I struggle with is feeling like I’ll never have closure, like I’ll have to keep picking up the pieces for the rest of my life. I have a good job, friends, and hobbies and have thankfully been able to make a difference in the lives of other people. I really want to make a positive impact in other people’s lives because so many people made a negative impact on mine. But I’m beginning to wish I had a boyfriend. Dating is hard in general, but I feel like some guidance and tips on building lasting romantic relationships would be helpful.

Anyway, thanks for reading:-) and for getting this far I guess.