I’ve (46F) wondered for a long time if I was abused when I was a child and have repressed memories. There are a few things that make me wonder if something happened:
1) I don’t really have memories from when I was a kid. What few “memories” I do have are basically just like looking at a photograph in my mind.
2) Recently I’ve been having intense dreams where I’m angry, yelling & shouting, and fighting someone. I’ve actually swung at and kicked my husband in my sleep, and woken up the neighbors in our three-family apartment building with my shouting.
3) I am terrified of being tickled. If someone even jokes about tickling me, I panic. If I’m tickled even by mistake, I instinctively lash out and kick violently, and nearly have a panic attack.
I’d like to see a professional to talk about the possibility of abuse and repressed memories, but I have no clue what to look for. I’ve seen therapists in the past for depression, and I know how hard it can be to find one that’s a good fit. What abbreviations should I look for, specialties, or treatment modalities? I also have state insurance/Medicaid, so I’m sure the options are limited (no, I cannot pay out-of-pocket). But any help or info you might have on who/what to look for would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much.
*More info/history in the comments