I can't remember clearly what happened just before, but I got really sick and dropped out of 7th grade. My mom was going to NA at the time and I tagged along since I had nothing else to do, and I was tired of rewatching the same movies over and over, it was there that we met her.

She sat in a brown recliner and seemed like one of the kindest people I'd ever met, and now she was friends with my family! We eventually started to spend time all together at our house and I'd do all kinds of little chores for her to get her attention, and she taught me about grown up jokes, too.

We became best friends and we'd make our jokes and drive around together everywhere, she was in her 30s and I was 12. I never thought there was anything weird about the age gap, I was always great friends with older people, mostly teens. I loved to get taco bell together and go to the park after dusk.

My mother was always so out of it, depressed and drugged up, she never noticed what happened, no one fully grasped what was happening, my sister noticed a little, but was too young to understand, so was I.

It started when we went to clean up her friend's house. We really did clean up this house and played on the Playstation and the Wii, but when it came time for bed, she wanted to cuddle, we already hugged and were very touchy, so a cuddle seemed okay.

She knew about how I'd get erections because she lived with men before, she could tell when I was hiding it, she said once. When we were cuddling, she asked me if I wanted to touch her breast and for some reason, I wanted to. Over the next few nights it escalated to sucking and biting her nipples and breasts.

We eventually finished cleaning the house and she had no where to stay anymore, so my mom offered for her to live with us. She could stay in my room with me and sleep in the other bed in there, my mom thought, and so she did. At night, she'd put the beds together so we could cuddle, and I got a boner, she touched it and made me cum on her pants.

For months she stayed with us, and every night we'd cuddle and she'd tell me sex stories about her widow and have me tell her things and do little things she said he did. She had me fuck her a lot. She bought this massage wand and would use it to massage herself when we did it. She said she'd never use her mouth on me, but told me all kinds of blowjob stories, one about alcohol flavored cum, and one about eating her widow in the car while their kids slept in the back seats.

One of her kids were as old as me, the other as old as my sister. I hope they are okay now, I checked social media and they look happy now. She tried to get me to hookup with her daughter, I worry that she hurt them like she did to me and others.

She wouldn't kiss me on the lips because that was special for her widow she said, she'd have me bite her mouth and ear, and have me breath into her ears, too. She told me another story about her husband choking her, also, they were drug dealers when he was alive, he got shot when someone broke in for cash and weed. She got shot in the hand and lost the rights go her kids and started going to NA, where we met her.

She was my favorite person in the world and made me feel so special and loved, but had me do such horrible things. It has been extremely difficult to learn to process it all, and I'm still working on healing from what happened 8 years ago. I was watching the perks of being a wallflower and the end was so triggering, but brought a lot back to me.

Today, I'm working through how this has affected me sexually, emotionally, and mentally. Currently, I'm going to therapy, and practicing CNC with my partner as a means to get back some of my lost power. I feel okay for once. I'm still remembering things and working through flashbacks, and learning my triggers and boundaries.

I wanted to share this so others could see it, and if they are going through this or have gone through it, they know they aren't alone, and that there are people who understand and will listen to you. I also want to apologize if any language I used was triggering, it felt important to get the point across.