I was reading a posting the aita subreddit and someone commented that you don't realize how young kids are until you get older and look back on things or look at kids/teens through adult eyes.

I had to pause when I read that because it made me think about the fact that I was only 13 when my abuse began. I've always sort of thought that I was...older in a way, being 13 when it started.

But, then I thought of the fact that that means I was only a year older than a friend of mine's daughter. And I think of how innocent, and (I mean no offense to her by this) childish, and immature she is and think "There is no way in hell anyone 13 years old should ever be sexualized. I would want to do horrible things if I found out someone did to her, what happened to me, because that is a CHILD who should only be worried about art, and school, and friends."

And now I am just sitting here feeling...feelings that I'm not entirely sure what to do with. Part of me has always blamed myself for what happened. But if I found out it happened to her, I would trip over myself to tell her it wasn't her fault. Why can't I give myself that same grace? I am very glad I have therapy in 20 minutes, cause suddenly I have a whole lot to unpack.