I'm broken and feel I always have been. Looking at my childhood and how I am the way I am I've realised. I was groomed by an older male. We never done much physically but he showed me images and porn alot was pictures of nudists of all ages. At the time I felt privileged to be able to see naked girls as I was going through puberty myself. I remember he offered to touch me but I drew a line and he never forced it. I think this didn't help and it weakend my resolve leading me to fall down my own hole of despair and taboo pornography when I was older. This has led to me loosing almost everything I care about. I have only told one person about this but i know if it fully came out it would be like a knife in the heart of some people I love. I don't ever have contact with him and part of me blames him for where I am. It feels like I'm making excuses because I know it's wrong and I'd never do that to my own child. This was about 20 years ago now and I don't know where else to talk about it so here I am.

I'm trying to climb out a hole of depression and this secret is something that's been weighing me down.

Thanks for reading my vent/whatever this is.