Saying NO!

You know what made it easier for me to say "no"? Shifting my mindset. I stopped seeing it as turning people away and started seeing it as teaching them to stand on their own feet.

If I keep giving, I'm not really helping. I'm just making them dependent.

Here's a story. I've been fortunate enough to have a business that's doing pretty well. It's not easy. Alam ng lahat na kapag may negosyo ka, every peso you earn is hard work, planning, and risk. But to some relatives, all they see is "ah si ganito, marami 'tong pera." And because of that, parang default na ako ang go-to for EVERY financial problem.

The thing is, I've said yes before—many times, in fact.

I have this one relative who's notorious in the family for borrowing money. Alam mo yung tipong hindi nawawalan ng "emergency"? Lagi siyang may dahilan. Medical bills. Tuition. Basta andaming biglaang gastos. And because I'm running a business, akala niya I'm always the most convenient solution. At first, I didn't mind helping. Nagbibigay ako kasi, well, pamilya. Plus, may pera naman ako. I thought, “Okay lang, one-time thing lang naman siguro.”

Pero hindi siya one-time. The first time, I gave ₱10k. Sabi niya, “Babayaran ko agad next month.” Hindi nangyari. The second time, humingi siya ulit, this time ₱8k. And I thought, “Sige na nga, baka ngayon naman magbabayad.” Again, nothing. I didn’t push her kasi nakakahiya rin maghabol. By the third or fourth time, I realized this wasn’t about emergencies anymore—nasanay na siya. And worse? Hindi man lang niya kinikilala yung utang; parang obligation ko na yatang tulungan siya.

Then, out of the blue, this relative messaged me again: “Uy, baka pwede mo akong tulungan. Emergency lang, kailangan ko ng ₱10k.” By this point, I had already decided enough was enough. I thought about all the times I’d given in, all the unpaid amounts, and the fact that I never even saw her making an effort to improve her situation. So this time, I replied: “Pasensya na, pero hindi na kita matutulungan kung wala akong nakikitang effort sayo. Kaya mo na yan, maghanap ka ng paraan.”

Hindi niya nagustuhan, of course. Nag-silent treatment siya after. But honestly, I didn’t feel guilty anymore. Kasi nagawa ko na yung part ko as family. I gave her multiple chances, and it became clear na it wasn’t my help she needed. Kailangan niya ng wake-up call.

And it’s not just family. May barkada din akong ganito. Lagi akong nilalapitan for “small” amounts. Pang-bayad daw sa ganito, pang-kain daw. And guess what? Same story. I gave in a few times, hanggang napansin ko na hindi naman talaga kailangan. I’d see them splurging on unnecessary stuff after borrowing from me.

Here’s the thing: just because you have money or a successful business doesn’t mean you’re obligated to give it away. Especially when you’ve already helped before. If you keep saying yes, people will start thinking it’s their right, not your kindness. And trust me, it gets worse. Some won’t even see the need to pay you back anymore. It’s not selfish to say no; it’s actually the better option if you want them to learn responsibility.

Sometimes, saying no is the best way to help someone. It’s a lesson for them, and it protects your peace. If you keep giving, they’ll never learn.

So yeah, set those boundaries. At the end of the day, it’s your life, your money, your rules.