Inutusan ako ng nanay ko na mag motor para dalhan ng pagkain si lola. Fast forward, pag dating ko sa dati naming bahay I saw my lola smoking and looks very stressed. She saw me and ang taas ng ngiti niya since bihira na ako makapag visit dahil bawal masyado umabsent and my work schedule was very tight back then, I joined her and parehas kami nag smoke. Hindi ko na siya pinigilan since dun nalang daw siya masaya nung unang kita ko sa kanya sabi niya noon.

Context: Kakauwi niya lang this year galing America dahil namatay yung latter husband niya. Natakot kami na if mawala siya wala kami doon. Kakawalan ko lang din ng trabaho dahil sa contract.

We were happy early this year, lahat may pera at magandang sahod.

Moving forward, habang nag y-yosi kami nakita ko yung chats sa pangalawa niyang anak na "ibebenta yung alahas at ari-arian" kasi nawalan ng work who works abroad and bigla siyang nag open up na pati yung bunso niya nawalan din ng work and lumipat to a lower position and was asking to help him as well since nag pile up yung bills. I noticed na lahat sila tumatakbo sa nanay nila despite of their age at take note ha pansin ko kung sino pa mas malaki kumita sila pa yung hindi makapag manage. Merong pension si lola na 100k a month (US benefit) and for me parang ang toxic lang na porket aware sila tinatakbuhan nila si lola and she told me

non verbatim "sana nasa US nalang ako. Walang problema at walang nalapit saakin unlike dito akala ko kayo na mag aalaga saakin lahat sila saakin humihingi. Paano ako makaka ipon at nauubos".

My saddest fear is to lose my lola being unhappy. Expectation ko rin na kaming buong family magtutulungan para mag alaga. My lola is seeking attention to my mother kasi siya lang ang bukod tanging hindi umaabuso sa pension and araw araw nag papadala ng pagkain kahit may family members naman siyang kasama sa kabilang bahay. I felt like its happening again, my lolo who passed away two years ago used to seek attention by asking for food but not eating what was given to him. It's like dejavu.

Umuwi akong malungkot ngayon. Anak ng tokwa hahahaha