Ang hirap maging breadwinner talaga.

I just want to let this out as I listen to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. PLEASE LANG wag nyo ito gawing content sa tiktok or FB pages nyo.

DISCLAIMER - THIS IS A LONG ASSSSS POST/RANT

I guess we should start with me:

Me - 25 M, the only college graduate among my siblings. Practising my mechanical engineering degree for 1.5 years now earning 21k from it. The company provides us with a stay-in kaya ang expenses ko lang kada buwan ay Food, Transporation, and Laundry, weekly lang ako umuuwi samin. I also work for my uncle's company as part-time earning only 5k per month by inspecting a bldg in BGC. I give 2.5k per cut-off to my parents, and I also give 1.2k to my dad to fund his medicine or else he'd go completely blind, leading to 6.2k PHP per month.

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• Parents - Both of them are retired, and they only sell street foods outside of our house. The youngest (my brother) helps them by preparing the sauces, utensils, and equipment at home, and selling outside with them. The profit we get only covers the transportation to the market and the daily food on the table. My father has a pension mostly covering the household's monthly expenses. Bale hati kami ni tatay sa expenses sa bahay. My mother doesn't have a pension yet though, and she's having a hard time keeping the family together due to their issues (including mine which I admit)

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• Eldest - My sister, 27 years old with Bipolar. College Dropout in social working, Dropped out on her 2nd year, which is 2 years before I graduate (grumaduate ako ng 2020 ah, nadelay buhay due to pandemic kaya nakapagboards lang noong early 2022). She dropped out kasi walang pera pangtuition sa kanya, while ako on the other hand libre ng university, she was taking meds until she stopped kasi nga financially struggling kami. Although from time to time nakakabili si mama for her PCOS and bipolar medicine. So until now wala syang ginagawa kundi tumulong ng konti sa tindahan and ayaw nyang magtinda sa labas dahil lang sa rason na "ayaw nya".

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• Youngest - My brother, 24 years old with a left ear completely deaf. Also a college dropout in Computer Science. Turns out he lied to us na cinomplete nya subjects nya, un pala 5 na ang INC nya. He lied so me and my mom could stop nagging him to finish his studies. 1 year nalang tapos na dapat sya eh, so we were furious. Baliktad sya kay ate, malakas yung pagtulong nya sa tindahan. He also focuses on this naked trading, he's got this delusion na he's trying to get a fix in the game stating shit like "Within 2 weeks I have a 95% chance to turn this 50% into a 51% win rate from stonking". We confronted him about it and he gives off shitty indirect answers like how Trump answers 2 2 which pisses me off, especially hetalkslikeapersonwhodoesn'tbelievespacebarsexist when questioned about what he does. So I gave him an ultimatum since what he is achieving is impossible (as per my rich friends as well stating na dapat side hustle talaga muna yan hindi full time, he doesn't even have capital yet as well). So the ultimatum was that if nothing profitable came out of his naked trading within a month, he would put it on hold and start studying Python coding. Two months came since I didn't have time to check on him and surprisingly he fulfilled his end and studied.

That was back in September, so he studied Python and I didn't bother checking up on him since he was doing something different than Naked Trading. Then in March, I confronted him since he's been studying Python for more than 6 months now. He told me he ditched it back in January and went to C coding, so I accepted it but recently my mother told me I had to confront him since we were all worried about his future and that he doesn't deserve to be a guy who just sells street food. So I had to check up on him again to talk about his C coding.

2nd Disclaimer - Not the full details, I'll try to summarize it.

Me and my mother talked to him and told him he should do more about his life and start applying what he learned about C coding, and apply at least as an intern or part-time so he could start rather than self-studying. He told me doesn't want to since he thinks he's not yet ready and he's not good enough, he wanted to siphon all knowledge the internet provided about C . Sabi namin hindi nya talaga malalaman na magaling at ready na sya, sa trabaho nya malalalaman yun, so ayun ayaw parin, naghihintay sya ng signs na nagiindicate na magaling na sya sa coding na yun, sadly he doesn't even know what signs he is looking for, and kahit certifications are stating na magaling sya sa coding baka hindi iconsider ng HR yan depending on the source of the certifications.

Then sinabi ko na hindi pwede na ako lang ang magtrabaho dito since hindi ko naachieve at nagagawa gusto ko, let's say if tumaas nga sweldo ko mapipilitan akong magbigay ng mas mataas na monthly contribution sa kanila kasi ako lang nagtratrabaho or else makokonsensya ako and I will feel bad about myself. I told him na dapat magwork din sya at huwag sila masyadong umasa sakin, that every inaction he does is another day of the family shouldering the burden on me and my father. In other words lugi parin ako since I can hardly save and buy some for myself at the same time since breadwinner nga ako kasi nga napipilitan akong magbigay ng pera or else I'll feel like a selfish villain.

I then thought na what if we were thinking it the wrong way, I thought what if I sacrificed my savings to fully fund my sister's PCOS and mental illness medicine so she could be ready to work instead of my brother? Then both of them (my mom and my bro) told me that it was a VERY BAD idea since kailangan pa daw "chempuhan" yung mood nya, and magiging mas magulo lang talaga if I confronted her about it. Then I reminded them that she stated kay mama that she wanted to work, she has the drive and I am happy that she had it and now I am willing to fund her recovery so she can be work-ready. Then sinabi nila sakin hindi sya tatanggap ng kahit anong work kasi ayaw nya ng non-voice at ayaw nya makipagusap sa tao regardless kung magrecover sya or hindi. Duon ko nasabi na "Pota akala ko kapag naminimize natin effects ng mental illness nya magiging okay na since I met people with mental illness pero kaya rin naman maging decent. Hindi na pala personality or mental illness problema nya, buong pagkatao na niya pala ang problema"

So ayun back to my brother, nabringup ko yung sa friend ko who is willing to give him a position as a part-time Python coder in Ortigas where he gets to be trained and paid as well, tapos sabi nya ayaw nya. Tinutulungan talaga namin siya by contacting the connections I have established where he can work at non-coding jobs like messenger or liaison officer then he started lashing out crying and bitching about being walang kwenta and masisira "plano" nya, I don't know if magmumukha akong masama dito ah pero hindi ako naawa, nacringe lang ako sa kanya that time at nainis kasi napakacringe at arte nya. He told me na sorry napakawalang kwentang pamilya natin like siya at si ate hindi nila kayang magtrabaho, si tatay dahil sa katandaan nya kaya nagaway sila ni ate like "Fire vs Water" na away. But still hindi ako naawa, nacringe lang talaga ako that time dahil napakadramatic nya, these lines won't even work in a shitty PH telenovela. So I came to a conclusion that night na akala ko na may good reason sila why they can't work, yun pala kahit presentahan mo ng choice, hindi talaga nila kukuhanin unless gusto nila. That time naging bitter ako sa kanila and decided na magpapakagago ako sa kanilang dalawa if I had the chance.

And that was a week ago, giving me time to cool off and process everything. One reason why he can't work is that walang tutulong kina mama at papa sa tindahan, sinabi ni mama na gagawan nila ng paraan nyan despite being old na. Still my brother wouldn't accept my mother's answer, gusto nya talaga ng concrete na alternate na hanapbuhay na kaya ng parents namin. Also, I thought that what if his path is not coding, what if he pushed him to a different path since hindi lang naman coding ang trabaho sa mundo, however, another problem lies, he doesn't know what he wants since he's already facing the adulting crisis that we have. And I can't take that since it will cost me naman if he doesn't decide what he wants to be.

Later I will try to confront my brother again, helping him find what he wants peacefully this time, while thinking about an alternate na hanapbuhay sa magulang ko since selling streetfoods is labor intensive. Also, I'm doing my part to upskill to negotiate higher salaries in my next jobs.

Sorry kung mukha akong kontrabida dito, I have wants as well and I couldn't pursue them. This family hates confrontations.

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