Been away from my partner for days now (we're living together). Hindi naman kami magkaaway, I'm just out on solo vacation.

We don't have irreconcilable differences and masaya naman kami together. Pareho ng kulit. The vibe is great. Yung kahit magkaiba kami ng ginagawa at tahimik lang, we know na we're comfortable.

I'm earning more and wala naman sakin yung gastos. I think yung di nya kayang ibigay na material things, kinocompensate nya ng acts of service. Handa syang magmukhang gago mapatawa lang ako. He supports everything I do. My career, my impulsive travels and choices, my gala with friends without him. He lets me be me. He doesn't invade my privacy.

Yun nga lang, a few months back, we had a major fight. I discovered tinago nya sakin na na-in love sya sa close friend nya bago maging kami. So we've been together for 1 1/2 yrs and dun ko lang nalaman na sort of may history pala sila nung close friend nya na yun. He denied it to the best of his ability but my stalking didn't let him off the hook. I also learned na nag-inuman pa sila one time dito sa place nya nung hindi pa kami naglilive in.

So you can imagine my trust was just thrown out the window. As in 0.

Nagmakaawa sya sakin after that big fight. Wala na daw talaga. He even blocked her right away (hindi ko lang alam kung blocked pa rin hanggang ngayon).

Kinausap ko rin yung girl. Sinabi rin sakin na oo gustung gusto daw sya ni BF noon pero simula nung naging kami, ni hindi na daw sya pinapansin. Lalo na nung nahuli kong nag-inuman sila which inamin nya, sya daw ang nag-aya dahil magkaaway sila ng jowa nyang tomboy. She even assured me na hinding hindi daw magchicheat si BF sa akin.

Anyway, we tried to work it out and we're still together naman. Pero not a month passes na hindi ko naiisip na wala na akong tiwala sa kanya. At nagwoworry ako na baka kung ano pang magawa ko because of my lack of trust.

Dito ko narealize talaga na hindi lang enough na love mo. Dapat may tiwala ka. Love isn't the answer everytime. Minsan, kahit gano mo pa kamahal, kung wala ka nang tiwala, parang hindi na rin magwowork.

How can I ever change this feeling, gusto ko mag-enjoy sa relasyon namin pero hindi ko siya mapatawad. Hindi ko ata sya kayang patawarin.