This is primarily for the guys who are thinking of trying AM. Yes, women get scammed, but we guys have getting scammed down to a science. An expensive science.

[EDIT 19 December 2022: a few people including women have indicated that the exchange that I recounted below was not with a bot. They well could be right. That said, guys, if you’re thinking of trying AM you can skip to the bottom and get some general tips about that platform.]

I'm older and didn't grow up with the Internet. I'm also more gullible than "the average bear." (An allusion that older people will get.) And like many of us who are older and in longer marriages (I'm at 25 years), age and gullibility and lack of internet knowledge and thirst for romance can spell misfortune for us and a fortune for scammers.

I was pretty sure the exchange below was a bot on AM, so I invested about 8 messages until I was sure. Here's how to spot it and why paying the entry fee itself on AM is a gamble, at best. A slot machine math tax at worst.

This person and I connected on AM and quickly moved to another platform. She was cute, somewhat local, and I believed just enough about her to go forward. It was worth a few exchanges to find out. AM's male profiles are 85% verified; females 10-15%. We guys are entering a large sucking machine, and the sucking sound is your open wallet being drained dry. [One more reason that reddit is the ideal platform, IMO.]

Final few messages:

SHE: "How long have you been on the site. What has been your experience on the site." [NOTE: she doesn't use punctuation or any kind of inflection. Sus but still not a convo ender.]

ME: "Just came onto AM about a week ago, though I'd been on before. Back then (2 years ago?) I had chats with a couple women. One I met last year but it wasn't a match. Couple chats now. Not much of a match yet. You?"

SHE: "Okay...just came on the site a month ago and i have met men who are not honest, trustworthy on the site" [No inflection, complaining; this isn't looking good. But, maybe she's having a bad moment. We all do, right? I tell myself, "Well she is cute, and she is local. Keep going." Guys, cut and run. Even if she is for real, do you want to connect with someone like her? You're getting sucked in.]

ME: "I'm sorry to hear that. Glad to tell you anything about me that you'd like."

SHE: "I don't know if you are one of them What did you see in me" [DANGER. "What did you see in me"?! Not her saying, "tell me more about you." But, "please tell me about me."]

There's a gap between messages because I have dinner starting. A bit later, not too late (7:45pm):

ME: "Hey. Dinner interrupted my messaging." At this point, I know that she is a bot/scammer and I am gathering more information for you, my fellow Male Affair people, so you can avoid the $81 AM entry fee. "Katelyn, certainly when I saw your photo on AM, I thought you were very attractive, and physical attraction is important to me. There wasn't much other information there, so I don't know enough about you yet to know. On AM you wrote only 'trying for the last time'. Your profile says you are single. And that you're looking for something long-term. Since I'm married but also looking for long-term, what would you hope would develop with me or another married man?"

I mean, why not see how the bot plays off this.

Crickets.

Next morning, almost 12 hours later:

ME: "Good morning, Katelyn! So, hey, I'm not really feeling the chemistry between us, so I need to step away. I wish you the very best."

Only 5 minutes later.

SHE: "Why are you behaving like this"

ME: < BLOCK >

If you are a woman or a guy reading this and feel you know your way around AM and elsewhere, cool.

But there are men who are reading this who may never post or comment or let themselves be known that they're here, and they're considering having an affair. And they're considering AM. I'm writing for that guy.

This is my strong advice:

• Avoid AM. Period. I can't even claim you will find someone local, which it's ostensibly good for, since you can filter by distance.
• If you do use AM, get the minimum membership, and use your opening credits sparingly. DO NOT, for goodness sake, buy additional credits. Do the math: almost every time you perform a function like message a woman proactively, you spend 9 credits, which works out to about $11/function. Once you and she are talking, messages are free. BUT, the message option defaults to "Priority," which costs you credits. "Basic" costs 0 credits.
• Don't accept "Collect Messages" for 5 credits. A credit suck and after a handful of those, you quickly learn that it's wallet-suck time. Real women will simply message you.
• Check their profiles. If they live outside your state, let alone your country, don't even bother.
• If they are "single seeking...", skip.
• Some photos, even believable ones, will say they are close to your age but look 20 years younger. Skip.
• Look for sarcasm in her bio. I'm serious. I responded to one lady (who ended up being real) whose one-line bio had some snark in it. Bots don't do snark. Bots go the opposite way: they are saccharin sweet and appeal to us sad sacks who want to feel like we'll live forever if we find a woman 30 years younger.
• On the positive side, here's one idea to help yourself be seen and responded to: a woman suggested to me that my bio on AM should "sell 'the experience'." Ever heard the advertising slogan, "Don't sell the steak; sell the sizzle." Literally don't talk about your cock. Also, don't say you're a great kisser. Don't talk about your kids or your previous affair. Describe to her what you'd like a date to be like. Not what sex would be like. A date. What time spent together would be like. Ultimately, that's what you want, too. You don't want that fake-looking woman 50 years younger than you. You want a connection just like she does.
• And if you use AM and get some messages or anything sus, you're welcome to chat/DM me and I'll gladly give you my opinion whether it seems legit.

Good luck, gents.