New here. My AP (31F) and I (40M) ended our relationship after nearly 3.5 years. She is amazing and I miss her terribly. Our affair started simply enough- two friends, neglected by spouses, needing some fun in our lives. I don’t think either of us foresaw the fire, passion, romantic connection. We didn’t make it a weekend before falling head over heels for each other. We traveled together, spent days working together in hotel rooms so we could take breaks and enjoy each other. We talked all day and all night. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

The thing is, I won’t leave my wife- I do love her too- it’s not a bad relationship (just full of neglect for me) and we have two young kids that don’t deserve to grow up without both parents. My wife is a great mom, but I think she’d really struggle without me… and that scares me on a number of levels.

So, after 3.5 years- why did we end it? My AP deserved better. She was sad that our relationship would never go further- and- she wanted babies. I couldn’t give her anything she wanted. Letting her go romantically was the right move. But. We’re still talking. Every day. All day. We have boundaries- and we’re fairly good at sticking with them- (there’s been a few virtual missteps) but I’m a mess. I don’t want to let her go. I want to feel her connection and her passion. I want to hold her face in my hand as we kiss. I want to laugh and flirt and have fun together.

I’ll get through it eventually-but I really thought this would be easier.