I am not a tall guy. I am, in fact, shorter than the average height of American men. This doesn't bother me in the least -- I made my peace with it long ago, and friends tell me they're surprised when they learn my height. You carry yourself taller than that, they say.

As you can imagine, though, this more than occasionally presents a challenge when seeking an extramarital paramour. We all have our preferences and standards, and more than a few women put "tall" at the top of their list of preferred traits in pAPs. I do not in the least begrudge them this -- if someone wants something I'm incapable of giving, I silently wish her well and give her inbox a break.

What's a tad frustrating is when it seems as if height is the only criterion. I caved and signed back up to AM recently (I know, I know), and I'm honest about my measurements. I reached out to someone who caught my eye. She's my height and has a delightful, intelligent profile. She wrote back (yay!) to say:

"You sound amazing. One issue and maybe it’s a typo -- are u [height I entered, which is my actual height]?"

I wrote back, yes, that's how tall I am, but I bring much more to the table than that. After several hours of no response, I wrote:

"So did I … [takes off sunglasses] … come up short?"

With a quick follow-up:

"(Note that a sense of humor is one of the things I bring to the table. Just sayin’.)"

And she wrote back:

"I can see that haha."

And that was that. She's not interested, and I totally respect that -- I'm not going to try to convince her to give me a shot. It's no small thing to be told you sound amazing, but no thanks -- but we want who we want.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, except, maybe, don't take it personally, friends. Respect each other's wishes and desires. And know that what one person eschews, another one wants. So hang in there, and be who you are.