Things have ended for me and my LDAP of 4.5 years. Even though I hadn’t seen him since 11/2019, we had still been communicating and talking daily.

We had fallen hard for eachother. We love eachother, but for me the lack of touch and of course the distance eventually led me to cave into my weaknesses.

A while back, (Dec 2018) I had a drunken incident with a coworker after a happy hour. Some touching was involved, but I regretted it and resisted him after that incident cause I loved and cared for my LDAP. My AP knew something happened, but I didn’t tell him everything.

I lost that job in early 2020, then covid shutdowns blah blah 2020. Fast forward to this year, still in a mostly dead bedroom at home, I caved into my former coworkers continued flirtations and we hooked up 2 times. First time was okay, gave him a second try and it was mostly a disaster. I definitely regret it.

I posted about the hookups on my NSFW Reddit profile. LDAP didn’t know about that account, until last week when he clicked on a pic I posted. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Then read my post history. Ugh. 😞😖🥺

He’s crushed. I’m crushed it ended this way. I knew deep down it would never work. I knew he’d never leave his wife. And we had almost 1,000 miles and a time zone between us. It had gotten to the point we were sad we couldn’t make it work and jealous of spouses more than happy or feeling sexy with each other.

Thanks to the friends I’ve made in this world that have been there for me the last few days that can kind of understand and validate my feelings.

The end. Next!