I am a husband a father a regular family man who loves every aspect of being apart of my small community of family and friends. We laugh have a great time date nights with the wife. Game nights with the kids. Wonderful love filled life. My wife and I dabbled in polyamory let’s say it didn’t work out I did something’s that I learn about myself basically I suck at communicating my intentions with a fear of rejection we are no longer practicing polyamorous relationships but I guess the idea sounds good

I was a monster at the time in the year of polyamorous relationships I had slept with about 17 different women(safely) while my wife only had one other partner this wasn’t a factor in the decision of stopping me lying about everything was the issue. I got addicted to the lie the excitement of something or someone new. A new body to explore. A soul to stare into while I fuck my way into orgasm.

Now all I can think about is that chase. All I can think about is unlocking that door that says warning ⚠️ monster inside do not open. While the key is dangling in front of my face. I want to cheat so bad that I’m willing to sacrifice all the hard work that my wife and I have done to rebuild ourselves and our relationship.

Do any of you feel the same as I do. Your wife or your husband are great to you and they are wonderful people and your both are happy. but it’s not enough it will never be enough because that addiction to something new. That nagging secret that taps at our soul filling your brain with excitement and lust of something new the lust of sex and adrenaline.

Most of you are probably going to say get counseling but I currently am both for myself and my marriage I’m just wondering if anyone can relate to my feelings. I’m feeling a little bit alone like a freak of nature.