I'm not expecting this to go over well. If there is one person for whom this changes their entire approach and they find peace then it's probably worth it.

I've noticed a trend in relationships overall, but particularly in this subreddit. The trend is the belief of somewhere out there awaits the "right" person who checks off every box perfectly. Attractive? Check. Assertive but not controlling? Check. Adventurous but also safe? Check. Manly but also emotional? Check. Usually a mash-up of completely contradictory traits. As woman replied to me in a thread "Why should I settle for 5 out of 10 when I can have 10 out of 10?"

It seems to me this belief is not only false but ultimately harmful. It assumes a "Free Lunch" relationship whereby the person seeking gets all the benefits but pays nothing in return. This simply is not the existence we live in. Everything has its cost. She may be smoking hot but the cost of her being hot is going to be something: she drinks; she smokes; she's rude; whatever the case. There's going to be a cost. Sure, he's attractive, he's fit and has a great body but there's going to be a cost: He's cold and aloof; his affection runs hot and cold; he doesn't show attention; whatever the case. There is no free lunch. There is always a cost. Always. He/she may be intelligent and the interpersonal connection is there but physical attraction isn't that great. There's always a cost. There are no free lunches.

This sounds cynical and jaded. It's liberating when you realize it and accept it. It frees you from seeking that which does not exist, being frustrated and disappointed along the way. It allows to accept the good and shrug off the bad. It allows you to enjoy people more just as they are for what they offer.

"But you're a cheater!" is the obvious rebuttal. This is true. However I don't cheat out of bitterness, anger, resentment or to even the score. I have a wonderful relationship otherwise and the cost for that is we're different sexually. It was never owed to me that we be sexually compatible. It was never owed to me that the bedroom be thrilling for ever and ever amen.

Many of you, it seems to me, would find far less disappointment and far more satisfaction in all your relationships if you stopped expecting a free lunch: That by which you get everything you want but pay nothing for it in return except your presence.

Good luck out there, Reddit.