I can't lie and say it didn't sting a little to hear the words. It did.

I'm sitting next to a man I spent almost 7 years of my life with, yet it feels like I'm sitting next to a stanger. The last 7 months have been spent trying to fix myself and prepare for the next phase of my life. It wasn't just something that happened over night, the years of emotional and mental abuse took their toll on me. I was ready to walk away years ago, however it took me spiraling out of control and meeting a man who looked at me like the sun was shining out of my ass to relaize I deserved better.

I don't think anyone can really prepare you for a break up, much less a divorce. However years ago I did the grieving of my failed marrige. I was numb to everything even though saying the words out loud and signing the paperwork felt cold and heartless.

I've been in contact with my ex this whole time, from the nasty names, the pointing fingers, even the time i really needed a night out so we got drunk in a field and acted like we were still best friends.

The divorce was finalized earlier this month, there was no real court day or anything dramatic. Just a letter in the mail saying it was filed.

He knows I've moved on, what he doesn't know is how much better I am. How much healthier I feel, the changes I've made to become a better me.

"Has it hit you yet?" I'm driving down the highway at 75 MPH trying to get him to his place of work because his vehicle broke down. Secretly terrified because if my boyfriend knew what I was doing he would be upset. I agreed to no longer be this push over and his personal slave anymore, but I was already heading in the same direction so I figured I could at least lend a hand.

"Huh? No, it feels the same as it has." It really does, again I saw our marrige die years ago, I did the crying and the hurting.

"Well it just hit me, that we're divorced and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life."

I'm not sure what he expected me to say. Was this my cue to say oh lets try again? Maybe its not too late to ask them to take it back? I relaize I've been using him as a crutch for the last 7 years, and I need to stop. It won't ever be healthy for us to continue to rely on one another or pretend nothing ever happened.

Now it's time to relearn how to be myself, and where to find myself again.