Summary: just me venting/rambling about the dynamics of 2 married people being involved, long distance & feeling jealousy about living our daily lives with our spouses

My LDAP & I have been involved now over 2 years. I am definitely more unhappy at home than he is. I’ve talked about leaving my husband for a long time (besides the fact I LOVE my LDAP) but I’m still here living my life and staying for my kids.

My AP doesn’t “hate” his wife like I do my husband, and tells me that’s one thing he can’t guarantee. When me & my husband split up, that he will leave his wife.

So we continue to see eachother when we can. He’s almost 1000 mi plus a time zone away. In the days between, we talk/text daily and FaceTime when we can.

I have been pretty good about blocking out the thoughts on his role at home. How he takes care of his wife, how much he still fucks her, how he still enjoys spending time with her. But it beats me down internally every day. I don’t tell him all my thoughts about it all the time, but those emotions come up more when he plans a vacation or trip with her.

My AP is more vocal and jealous with me when I am just living my day to day life, trying to get some pleasure in just doing things I love. And my husband is just the person I do most of those things with. We pretty much have a DB so it’s not like I’m fucking him hardly ever.

I’ve been open & honest with my AP and I tell him pretty much everything I do at home. And the other night, he got so upset I went to dinner with my husband. Threw a fit. Took him hours to get over it. Then he’s feeling guilty about continuing to lie & cheat on his wife while she’s trusting him again (he’s been caught with me now twice). But yet, refuses to give me up.

Don’t know where I’m going with this, just maybe wondering how anyone else deals with the spouse jealously and the feeling of cheating on your AP with your spouse. Ugh so fucked up and complicated.