Long time lurker, first time poster.

I’m a middle-aged man in a dying marriage with a dead bedroom. For various reasons, I resigned myself to thinking, “Well, this is my life now.”

Then, while on a business trip, I had a chance conversation with a coworker in a similar marriage. (Yes, I know, never go fishing in the company pond!) We hit it off over dinner, she invited me back to her hotel room, and that began a breathtaking two-month affair.

While we set good boundaries with the outside world by practicing good OPSEC, we didn’t set good boundaries with each other. We opened ourselves to feelings neither of us had experienced in years, and it was intoxicating. Our conversations were raw, honest, tearful and vulnerable.

Then I left on another business trip (without her, this time) after two months, and the schedule allowed only infrequent communications. She called things off when I returned because we couldn’t fully be together. That weighed on both of us, but it was too much for her. I could sense that before I left.

Now she’s divorced and openly dating someone. She seems happy with him. I’m stuck in the “it won’t always be like this” loop with my wife, and only now realizing it will always be like this. We haven’t started talking about divorce, but that’s coming, and I’m dreading it.

The breakup with my AP has all the emotions of a normal breakup, but I have nobody to commiserate with because my former AP and I don’t talk much, and it's superficial when we do. Anyway, if she is happy with her new boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to spoil that. It sucks.

I miss my AP, I miss the sex (and it was amazing sex), I miss the friendship and companionship, and I miss feeling like there was someone out there who was as passionate about me as I was about her.

I’ve learned my lesson. If I have another affair, it will be more FWB and less emotional. I’ll set better boundaries.