AP and I spoke for an hour on the phone and texted until pretty early that morning. All great conversation.

A couple days later we meet up for the usual shenanigans and lots of cuddling. She pretty much hugged me the entire time. It was pretty obvious why. She told me how much she loved me but couldn’t handle the idea of breaking up my family. Of course this is something we’ve spoken about in the past. It was different this time. We pretty much cried, talked, and hugged/kissed each other for an hour and a half. I felt like I lost someone so it hurt. We agreed to try and keep the friendship going so we can remain in each others’ lives. Pretty sure that’s not a good idea. I think we both kinda want to hold on to something.

The next day we text. Neither of us slept more than a few hours. It’s essentially been torture for both of us. I’m doing my best to respect her decision. It’s tough though. To go from sending a hundred messages a day, talking on the phone, and meeting in person every week. To then only texting a few times throughout the day has been brutal on my psyche. Now I’m starved of affection and have no desire to get emotionally attached anytime soon. Back to square one.

Based on the hate I got from the first post it all may have turned out for the best. It doesn’t feel good right now though.