Long-time lurker, first-time poster. This group can be so supportive and has taught me a thing or three. Thank you, and I’m sorry we’re here. : )

Welcome to my SVU Ted talk Vent Session—cue the SVU theme music—where the real crimes are against conversation skills, fun, and compatibility. In the world of online dating, these offenders are considered especially heinous.

I made a post seeking educated, successful older men in the 45-65 age range. What I got was a parade of communication failures so staggering, it made me question if basic life skills are optional for some.

I chatted with about 40 men, and out of that bunch, 30 couldn’t string together a coherent text to save their lives. I’m still left wondering how these guys navigate the real world when they can’t even manage the basics of digital discourse.

All of these men thought they were great communicators, but they were rather terrible. From dull dry boring ones to the downright delusional. One “great catch” decied to kick off our conversation with not one, but two ultimatums. Yes, folks, ultimatums, as if that’s the secret sauce to wooing a woman.

Ultimatum 1: Don’t be passive-aggressive. Ultimatum 2: If he offends, I must inform him immediately—because why would I get mad at him when he doesn’t even know what he did wrong?

And the pièce de résistance? He complimented my username, hinting that his intellect is so far above the common man’s, he just can’t find anyone on his level. I responded with lighthearted honesty, letting him know he was coming across as angry and that his communication style was giving off more “red flag” than “great catch.”.

Y’all I was hilarious! I was kind and genuinely trying to help out the next woman subjected to this genius’ communication style. I thought I was doing the guy a favor. I truly felt for this man’s wife—who, by the way, must be a saint. But did he get it? Of course not. I wasted some of my best material on a guy who couldn’t get a clue if he was standing in a valley full of clues, during clue mating season, covered in clue juice.

The rest who at least knew how to string a sentence together, but oh boy 1 was so socially unconscious it hurt my heart- wtf dude, read a book. 2 talked bad about their wives. Keep it classy, fellas. 3 were polite , but dull. No flirting skills. Zero game. Even their wives friend-zoned them. And lets not forget the guys who dont chat, they just share their schedule updates — “Just finished a meeting , boarding a flight, about to drive—” Seriously, why even bother? Do they think this is riveting content?

The harsh lesson learned? Some men are clearly the reason their bedrooms are dead. The screening process takes the patience of a saint and the stamina of an ultra-marathoner. Luckily, marathon running and endurance sports happen to be in my wheelhouse.

And with that, I conclude my VenTED Talk—where the frustration is real, and the only match made is with my profound astonishment at the staggering lack of wit and depth. Thanks for attending this cathartic session! Please exit through the gift shop, where you'll find a complimentary sense of existential dread and a coupon for my next post's shit show.

Good luck ladies, it’s rough out there.